I Like Bad Puns

1) Atheism is a non prophet organization.

2) No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery

3) Time flies like an arrow, Fruit flies like bananas.

4) A backward poet writes inverse.

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retiredfather retiredfather
61-65, M
25 Responses Mar 11, 2009

hillarious!

a group of cattle standing next to a scale on which rests a plant which produces the forerunner of raisins:<br />
<b>herd by weigh of the grape vine</b>.

Look, here comes that girl, that Little Red Riding Food, said the Big Bad Wolf.

Neutral?

Not bad,. Not good, but not bad.

1. Last week I walked into a bar. Next week I will get the stitches out, it will leave a mark.<br />
2. Two termite ants walk into a bar asking - Is the bar tender here?<br />
3. God shave the King - said the barber when he was fired from the castle.<br />
4. How do you call a really bad joke which plays on the double meaning of words? Pun-ishment.<br />
5. The pen is on the table. - wrote the teacher on the blackboard. Guess which two words were written joined by half of the class.<br />
6. The court jester was supposed to be hung for his very lame puns, but was forgiven in the last moment, provided he never-ever will make a pun. No noose is good news - he sighed releaved.<br />
7. How much is the pie? I asked the waitress. 3.14 - she said.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering?

Dew guys really crack us up

Did you hear about the new line of Elvis Presley-themed steakhouses?<br />
They will be for people who love meat tender.

Who is green and plays a guitar?<br />
Elvis Parsley.

Speaking of Arnold Starts-an-acre. <br />
Coming soon…Hard core action with a-peel: Johnny Appleseed 11 “The Germinator”

Apple be back...DD

What's a left side of an apple pie?<br />
<br />
The part left un eaten.

2 for 1= The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large<br />
<br />
speaking of medium, the fortuneteller said with a smile-"Never strike a happy medium."...DD

You all are killing me.<br />
<br />
1) Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.<br />
<br />
2) She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

A calendar’s days are numbered

These are all great...keep them coming!

Hear yuan that was used in Gov. glass...<br />
" Democracy... it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes"...DD

You *** for this...DD<br />
<br />
If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed

Don't join dangerous cults. Practice safe sects.

GO AWAY. NO MORE...DD

Thank you. Please remember that a pun is the scar tissue of wit.

I wish I had that one for my Goverment class!...DD

Oh, Dewduster<br />
1) If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

1.)Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion. <br />
<br />
2.)Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red. <br />
<br />
3.)When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I. <br />
<br />
4.)If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality comes from morons? <br />
<br />
5.)I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way...DD