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With Me

I really like being alone.  I don't hate companionship or friends,  I just feel like I am completely and wholly myself when I'm with...myself.  I don't second guess, feel embarrassed or inadequate.  I simply am.  
Thank whoever invented walls and doors because I don't know what would have happened to me as a child if I couldn't have holed up in my room to sing and dance in front of the mirror with my headphones on.  I like being able to lie on my bed with the radio playing, staring up at the ceiling and knowing that nobody is currently depending on me for anything.  It's like a sweet dream without a chance of awakening; nobody can interrupt or yell at me.
While I am alone I get random ideas for stories and poetry.  I can just write a few lines in some word document and look at it later and still be happy because for once I am certain that my opinion is the only one that matters.  I don't give anybody else a chance to have an opinion.
I think I am so fond of alone-ness because I am mortified of judgement.  If someone ever opened up that file called "Dream Journal" I would flip.  Or if they opened up one of several dozen college ruled notebooks that contain stupid doodles and diarylike entries.
I must have an awfully glorified self-image because I think anyone would care what I thought of that boy in the ninth grade or what my latest dream involved.
SexPistols SexPistols 18-21 7 Responses Jul 3, 2010

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Yes...that fear of judgment...I can relate.

i feel the exact same way. OMG, i can totally relate to you. I never thought there were people out there like me. Wow. Amazing. What i hate the most about society is that i am seen as someone i am not - just because i don't party and all that.

This is wonderful. It reminded me of this letter I'd read from "Letters to a Young Poet."<br />
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http://www.carrothers.com/rilke7.htm

I can totally relate to that

thanks so much guys.<br />
And i hope you aren't worried about me jrabbit! haha I like being around other people and enjoy being out in the world, it's just that some parts of my life I keep to myself or to a small group of friends.

Being alone has it's good points, but, we are social creatures for the most part and at some point you will need to be out in the world working and such......I too hate being made fun of, or being critisized and such, but I have learned to deal with it most of the time. Life as with art is open to whomever is viewing it....it is ob<x>jective.....keeping that in mind has helped me.....I do listen to what somebody says, but then will decide if I truelly want or have to except what was said. You are still young but not that young and should start to tiptoe out into this beautiful world of ours :) Good luck

This was so well written. i can relate 250%. well done.