Solitude Is The Best

I have social anxiety. I feel extremely uncomfortable standing out in the open, having to socialize with people, even with my closest friends. Sometimes I get so lonely that I want to claw my eyes out. I just feel safer by myself. This last year I lived alone at college. I couldn't force myself to go out and try to be friendly, so I took to staying inside day after day. Sometimes I skipped my classes just so I wouldn't have to leave my room. It's really not healthy.

I get a little thrill out of being alone sometimes. It excites me. Other times, I feel imprisoned.
fruxforte fruxforte
18-21, F
3 Responses Jul 4, 2010

I am the same way, probably even worse, as I am older (23). I been feeling like this for 5 years. Afraid of social contact, no friends, spending my days in front of computer. Thats my life. I dont know what it is, Internet addiction disorder, Avoidant personality disorder or something else. I am even afraid to go to the doctor. It is scary, when i think of my future. It is becoming a real horror, except this is no movie, but my life. I wish i knew a way out...

I know what you mean, fruxforte. Worst case scenario, it could be a condition called Avoidant Personality Disorder. Google it and take a look. Me, I always had a hard time fitting in, so I made the mistake of taking the comedy way: making them laugh to have acceptance. Today, they think I'm crazy enough to have me committed, so I prefer being alone. When you're alone, there's no one to judge you, call you names, laugh at you instead of with you...Loneliness is like a warm blanket. It wraps you up and keeps you cozy.

A long time ago I was married to someone who did not know how to be alone. Me, I gotta have my alone time or I'll go bust. Seriously so. When you learn to be alone then you will be more able to offer what you have made of yourself as an individual. A lot of people never discover this.