Enjoying My Freedom

I've always been misunderstood and different. I used to enjoy talking to people and reaching out to others. Now, save for this medium (the internet) I rarely do any of that anymore in real life. Now that I am older and wiser, I prefer to silently watch people and listen to them. Take mental notes and correlate. I'm so tired of being the oddball that others either see as a curious misfit or a social outcast just because I'm not into the typical things that those around me are into. I've always done my own thing, even as a child. I was an only child raised by my grand parents in the country, so I amused myself quite often and had plenty of time to roam safely, and think, and explore not only my surroundings but also, my own mind. It finally truly dawned on me at age 32, that there is nothing wrong with me, or other people.

I'm done trying to conform because I cannot do that and be me. I also respect and appreciate others without making dumb assumptions about them. No one has to like me, the whole world could hate me, and I'd still walk around this place like I am Queen of the Universe. Hey, I'm on my own frequency, and that's cool. Do what you do, as long as you aren't hurting anyone or killing kittens.

My only plight, is that I wonder if I am pushing would-be friends away with my standoffish aura? I don't mean to do that. I would give anyone the shirt off my back or my last bit of food if they needed it. I have a few people I consider "friend", and a lot of acquaintances, people I work with and such. I think I get on just fine with folks. Usually, I find that I am the listening ear or mediator for others, but when I need someone, there is often no one to be found. So I turned to music, cooking, painting, exercise, writing, and gardening. I love creating things. I love to bring joy to people with my creations, be it food or a bouquet from my garden just for them...but after an hour or so of company, I want to get away and go back to my cocoon. Sometimes I think I am selfish, other times I believe, as weird as it may sound, that I just don't belong here.

Nevertheless, here I am.
Earthwalker4 Earthwalker4
31-35, F
1 Response Dec 3, 2012

Good point of view...

Remember from history...?
"Give me liberty or give me death"