Love Being Gay - Hate Society
So, I've known I was gay...well since I could conciously think. And to be quiet honest I personally have never felt 'wrong'. Now I'm not saying that I haven't ever thought that my life would be easier if I were straight, I'm just saying that I always felt normal, until of corse High School. My freshman year of High School was lovely, I was still considered 'normal', I had a decent amount of friends and was well liked. However toward the end of the year it really hit me that people were seriously going to hate me if I ever came out.
When sophmore year rolled around somethings in my life had significantly changed. Puberty obviously kicked in full swing, I had just lost my bestfriend over soemthing completely ridiculous, and I also started partying and smoking weed (mmm weed). So as I progressed into the year, I suddenly felt the need to start telling people that I was infact gay. Well at the time I was 'Bi', however I just said this to ease the amount of awarkness that was going to insue. So I intially told my very closest friends (two girls), and I encountered no hate or rejection there, which was lovely.
Unfortuantely, in conservative - small town schools, word travels..fast.
By the end of my sophmore year, I was determined to drop out of school and get as far away from there as possible. Again in my unfortunate life (well at least at the time I felt pretty unlcuky), this was not possible. Because in order for me to do this I would have to admitt to my parents the real reason I wanted out so badly (being gay duh! and the weird looks and ignorance that come with it). I won't go into detail about school, becuase I've really put it out of my head since graduation.
Junior year rolls around: Same **** for another entire year of my life.
Senior year; now this is where things start to change for the better...well sort of. For the most part the year went by as the previous two had, me desperately wanting to leave the school, and the other kids ignoring me at best. Until about four moths before graduation however something just clicked in my head, it really made me say "WTF do I care about these stupid, silly people"? Since that was the day I was going to finally drop out -was- being the keyword, my sudden realization however prompted me to complete my high school career.
Though I experienced some really just flat-out wrong things throughout school, I still never really felt wrong - just wronged. At this day in my life, I enjoying being gay, I like seeing an attractive man, and thinking of all the ways I could infilct some damage ;] Though I'm still not out to my family, I feel more secure with myself then I ever have.