Question For Black Women: Why Do You Love Non-black Men?

I find a lot of times when I see groups like this, it typically comprises of many Black women and the non-Black men that love them. I haven't gone through every profile, but I have gone through most of the stories and I find this trend of Black women who are searching for their ideal man, who is 99% of the time non-Black. One particular story in which a Black women wrote about how much she admires White men, and I asked her why, and she said it was inexplicable. She did not know any White men that were admirable, which leads me to believe her attraction is based on some ideal notions about White men. I have loved one man, who happened to be White, but I personally never actively sought White men in my life. Particularly because I did not grow up around them, so when I found my love, I wasn't actively pursuing White men, it happened on accident.

I can understand if you grew up with great men of different ethnicities, but to pursue someone solely on the basis of them being from a different ethnicity is weird to me. I personally remember some of my experiences when non-Black men felt that way about me & I felt creeped out. I couldn't tell what they were more interested in: me as a person or the idea of a Black woman.

Look, I personally could care less about interracial relationships. Love is love. And I do adore Black women. So please, no one take offense at my questioning, I just was hoping someone could shed some light on the idealization of members of a different race. Growing up, I couldn't stand when my friends would speak in generalizations about their love for Black men, because I thought it is very much based on your idea/stereotype rather than any actual meaningful experiences. I thought they saw a Black man as an answer to what they were missing in their relationship with the men of their own background, and thus, when they dated Black men, there was no way that they could live up to the trumped up perception they had in their mind.
sasagaborre sasagaborre
11 Responses Nov 29, 2012

Sorry but I love me a black man , some black girls like white men BC their hair , eye color and they like to do different things .. Me personally id only mate with a white guy for our children's features . best of both worlds

I like any color but I am married now she is a dark skin thai
Opposite do attract white like black black like white
But you can change that

Just read this post and then I read the comments and I am confused about what the writer is trying to say.I am a black girl,dated black guys and white guys .If you want a comparison,the white guys always opened the door,carried the shopping,asked my opinions on things,were more honest,didn't think hanging out with their friends was more important,they cleaned after themselves,cooked.The black guys,it's everyone for themselves really ,they always seemed to be sneaking off to do things and I just couldn't keep up.I read in someone's comment about people hating themselves,no love,we love ourselves enough to cross over to find what makes us happy.

Well said. Whenever I hear someone say they only date people from (fill in theblank) race, my eyebrows raise. They raise even higher when that race falls outside their own.

To be honest I understand where you're coming from. A lot of black women idealize white guys and other non-blacks to the point of having unrealistic expectations when dating/marrying/hooking up with them.

For me, love is love that's true. I like guys of all races, the problem is, the guys I'm looking for aren't necessarily looking for me. This being said, I find myself having to cast a wider net. This net includes many different ethnic groups. In a world where black women are stereotyped as either loud and undesirable, or bodacious and overly sensual, it's hard for a normal black woman to find a happy medium. Some guys who obsess over black women have these stereotypes in their minds, which makes them a little bit creepy. At the same time, there is something wonderful about someone who values you and is attracted to you, no matter their hang ups. I grew up with a lot of White guys, but I go to college with a lot of Asians. So that's what I date mostly these days. If a black guy comes around down the line, and he's not trying to pull the "Sista" card on me, I'll be for him too.

It's all a matter of being interested in those who want you. Right now, a lot of black guys do not want black women, (at least not where I'm at.) But I feel a lot of other groups are discovering our value.

Well, I've always liked white guys because I'm attracted to their facial features and their hair. It's always been that way, and really I can't help what I'm attracted too. Recently I've found that I have an uncontrollable desire for skinny men with long blonde hair and it drives me nuts. It could also be possibly because I've always been into surfer/indie/rock/ culture as well, and most of the guys I've seen into that culture have that particular look that I've described. It's frustrating because you don't see very many of them hit on black women and I would love for that to happen. I saw one such person who worked at this restaurant I always go with and I remember always trying to catch a glimpse or two because I was so shy that he might think I'm a freak for trying to stare at him so much, but I couldn't help it he was just so attractive. (one time i made eye contact with him and I thought I could feel myself burning up and sweating). He no longer works there and I feel so torn apart. I miss him so and I would like to hear his voice again.

I hate it when ppl say that black women don't like non black men. I know that I'm in the minority here, but I've always been attracted to white guys. I think it may be a natural thing. I doesn't have anything to do with self hate like most ppl like to put it. I'm just naturally turned on by the.

But the thing is do they look at you the same way you look at them ? 9/10 no

well written, its becoming annoying now! all you hear is how these women are so attracted to white men. As if white men will be the answer to their problems. I dont have a problem with interracial relationships, but if i am attracted to a man, i am attracted to him as a person and not based on his skin colour. And whats with all these middle aged white men wanting to be with black women, especially young black women? i will tell you why, when they were younger, they had ambitions and dreams and didnt want to mess those dreams up by hooking up with a black woman so they married their white women. It didnt work out as they wanted so now, they are back to what they rejected ages ago. just saying!

As a middle aged white man attracted to black women, I can tell you I did not in my youth marry a white woman I married a black woman instead.

Yes I know . I dated a lot of white men when I was 16 they where in their 30s .

Sorry to pull this card but honestly I think for a good amount of them, it has to do a lil bit with self hate and the media,alot of black guys my age are worse than this ,quick to bash a black girl and say something like I need something more exotic I need a white girl , I see this alot in my community....what do you think was you hinting at this ?

I know we are all one people but I meant "self hate"as us black people (man or female) hating on eachother ,and I didn't say all but in a lot of cases ,I'm speaking mostly from the guys I been around,it is what your saying too its a lil bit of alot of things tht make people act this way

I think it becomes taken to the extreme and alot of black people become racist against themselves, just listen to the way some of us talk about eachother not just American black people ,listen to the Africans,west Indians,Afro Latinos,Afro Europeans,skin bleaching is a big thing in Jamaica,Africa,India,someplaces of Latin America, in Thailand all soaps and lotions contain bleach in them, ...remember the whole team light skin team darkskin thing that all started back then

Hi, thanks for your response. I wasn't trying to hint at anything in posting this question, I just meant to start a dialogue about it. I do think that it has to do with stereotyping, coupled with negative experiences with Black men, but maybe not. I have had bad experiences with Black men but I never disliked Black men because of it or felt that White men were the answer. I don't know, I'm just curious to learn more.

The other girl I was talking to deleted her message that's why it looks lik I'm rambling , I was at a party and this guy said to this girl "your pretty for a dark skin girl "and her eyes lit up and she said "really" while blushing -__-, you didn't hint at anything you clearly stated the truth , if you have a prefrance cool but I hate self hate

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as a young black girl myself from the caribbean what about i like about white guys is their nice white skin and their soft hair,just the way they look i dont know i think they are sexy,and i cant help but just stare at them.where i live(curacao) their are not many of them :(

With all due respect, do you mean you like them because of the contrasts? This sounds a lot like when White men compliment me on skin color or my hair. Just the fascination with the differences more than the person themselves. I don't know you from Adam, but from your post, it seems like you exoticize White men. And if so, do you think that would be considered offensive or detrimental? Or do you think it a compliment?

no i don't exoticize them i just happen to find white guys more appealing to me,it's just natural attraction u know? when i said about their skin and hair especially their hair is just something i am attracted to i really like guys with longs fluffy hair , everyone have something they are attracted to right?

Yes we all have things we are attracted to. I just thought it was curious you were attracted to something so different from what you are around. And that your attraction is based on physical attributes that are different is indicative of exoticism (the charm of the unfamiliar). It's like when White guys like my brown skin or my curly hair, its natural for me to wonder if their attraction is based on my 'otherness'. Thank you for your response!

These days, it just seems like almost everyone is becoming open to different possibilities and not letting race influence dating as heavily as it did in the past.

I agree, but my question is asking for those who still do allow race to influence it, why?

Perhaps it's that for some people, they just dont find certain races as attractive as their own, so they stay within their own groups. Family also seems to have a big impact as well. If parents are against interracial relationships, their children are likely to avoid them.

Also, there's societal influences. Interracial couples still get looked down upon in some places and many people don't want to have to face any judgment.

Just some opinons lol

answer from a white guy: for me, the attraction is physical and social. Socially, being raised in a house with different mannerisms, traditions, and viewpoints about how the world works keeps the day-to-day monotony to a minimum and happy surprises (things you didn't know you would love, or finding new things out about her) to a maximum. Physically, of course, the color contrast, texture of skin, shapes of curves, and even smells are all quite intriguing and stimulating to me!

I agree.