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I Miss My Cat.

My family has always had at least one cat, so far as I can remember. The first one didn't like me much, because I was young and grabby and wanted to pull her tail. The second one was the one I fell in love with- saw him up for adoption at the pet store, visited him all the time, begged and begged and BEGGED until my parents caved. When we brought him home, he was about six months old, just a skinny, energetic kitten-cat. He did get kind of fat, but he was always Kitten to me. I adored him, and he was so lazy and peaceful, he didn't mind me scooping him up and settling him on my shoulder, he just started purring.
I struggle with depression, and that cat saved my sad *** many a time. He died last winter. He was sick for a while before we had to put him down, and the whole thing was so painful. I miss him incredibly, and I didn't realize it, but having a cat in my life is ridiculously important. There's a hole. There's something I reach out for that isn't there. I can't explain the random rustling noises in the house anymore. I can't hear that purr and know it's okay, that if kitten isn't bothered, how bad can it be. I can't cry into his fur and take comfort in his quiet existing, in not getting alarmed or wanting to shut me up, just being there. My heart is full, always full, and there is nothing in this world like pouring your love into an animal who will simply accept it, such as it is, and not ask for more or try to hurt you. One day another kitten will come to me, but as yet, all I can do is wait and miss that cat.
I don't mean to make you sad, if you read this. Thank you for validating my outpouring of whatever this may be. I wish you happiness and health.
wherenoonehasgone wherenoonehasgone 18-21 Nov 26, 2012

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