Just Another Issue In The Books,i Guess....

I'll try to make this quick but I just have to say I am happy to see that other people are like me in that they enjoy the same thing I do....

being that I am a teen,I feel a bit weird for liking this,Not only because it isn't my only weird thing I like,But because some of it is in a....sexual way(Also not my only time of liking something like that).

It is especially difficult to deal with because as a Virgin,I am always wondering how I will get pain incorporated in my sex when I get married.

I definitely don't like all pain,But it just seems like I like the thought of being choked slightly,Or being called something mean,Or even hit by a guy I like.

I know I like to have pressure on my neck so I usually just tie a scarf around it,But not to tightly(I still like to breath ^^).

Also(And this part might be a little much to explain but here goes)recently something happened:

There is this guy at my school(For those who have read my previous things,Guess what?I am back at a Co-ed school,Just a different one from before :) )who I really like,But I denie it all the time and all we do is argue(Hey he started it) and look at each other and whatnot.

so one day we got into an arguement and being he sits infront of me,I hit him in the back.He wasn't in pain or anything,And he was laughing a bit with the other kids around us,But the way he was talking while he laughed("Saying things like yo,I will beat her the F*** up" and what not)made him almost seem serious.One boy who he talks to told him to chill and he said something like :Naw,I wouldn't hit a female".

Despite the fact that I knew he was joking at the time and that he "Probably" wouldn't hurt me,I was a bit scared and then kind of turned on by the thought of it,It made me want to see him so mad that he would just do something(I am to embarrassed to say what ^^;)

What does this all mean,Am I destined to be denied "Sexual Freedom" by pain when I get older?

kianasjohnson kianasjohnson
Dec 9, 2012