Except From A Yet To Be Completed And Named Story

Ok guys, first off, this is my very first posting on this site, ever. So please be patient. I'm very nervous about this. This except is a very dark part of the story. I'm not going to release any info about it, I just want you to let me know what you think. Let's just say you are in a book store and you opened it to this part of the story. Tell me what you think.

"So you feel you made the right choice giving up your place in heaven for those pathetic people?" Lake asked. "Yes." Derrick replied. "I wouldn't have it any other way."
"They never loved you, they never cared Derrick."
"They did, I know they did."
"Really? You think so?" Lake said, waving his hand and opening a door behind him. "Walk with me Derrick."
Derrick followed him, looking at the walls. They were constructed of human flesh and bone, charred from the heat of hell. The smell was almost unbearable. As he walked through the threshold of door, the smell went away, the searing heat went away. But now it was a smoke and haze everywhere. It almost blinded him from seeing anything. He tried waving it away to try and see, but it was too thick. Then he saw Lake's eyes. Crimson red eyes glared at him, the cracks in his burned face leaked lava orange light from them.
"These are the people you love so much."
Derrick immediately smelled food. It was breakfast. Typical bacon and egg smell. He watched as in the distance as a kitchen area lit up. There stood a woman in a nightie cooking in front of a stove. A man walked in holding something he couldn't make out. He stops in front of the kitchen table and stares at the woman. Her long white hair covered her face.
"Hi..." the man squeaks out.
"Sup." the woman replies in a nonchalant manner.
"How long where you out last night? I fell asleep waiting on you," the man asked. "I was worried about you."
"I'm a grown woman, don't worry about me," she said back sharply.
The man grips whatever he had in his hand tightly as he put his head down. He places the item on the table. "You wanted this right?" He asked her.
"Yeah I'll get it whenever I feel like it," she replies. "Until then, it can sit there."
"That's bullshit, I not going to leave it here in the cold for you to come get at your leisure." He replies in anger. She turns to him and with a evil smile replies, "Not a problem, really didn't want the useless *** thing anyways."
Lake let a giggle slip from his mouth.
"That's so ****** up." Derrick said watching in awe at the evil that the woman was demonstrating.
"Funny how much bullshit you put up with whenever you are love," Lake replied with a smile on his face.
Derrick walked closer to try to see who these people were as they continued. "Here give me the ******* thing," She said as she walked over and snatched it from the table. "Are you happy now?" The man bent over holding his chest, crying. The woman turned around and threw the item beside the stove and went back to cook. As Derrick began to walk closer he saw the horror. The man was bleeding from his chest. He had ripped his own heart from his chest. For love. And she showed no appreciation. He looked up and the horror grew. Derrick almost choked at the sight. It was him. A younger him, but him nonetheless.
"You *****!" he screamed as he charged toward the white haired female. As he slung her around, he fell to the ground at the sight. It was Lana. Not with her long black hair, but white hair, her face cracked and bleeding.
"Look at you, so ******* pathetic. You're a ***** Derrick. I walked all over you and you did nothing. How can you call yourself a man huh?" She grabbed the knife from the counter behind her and stabbed it into the heart. The younger Derrick let out a terrifying scream."That's what I think about your piece of **** heart." She said calmly as she returned to cooking. Then everything went back black. Only the glowing of Lake's eyes in the distance. Derrick sat there looking around in disbelief.
"It wasn't real. Lana didn't feel like that. She may have left, but she cared. She just couldn't take the stress from my deployment and the injuries I got."
Lake let out a soft laugh. "Maybe I need to go back some more."
Derrick found himself sitting on the floor at the foot of a bed. HIS bed. Noticing this he sprung up to again to see Lana laying in bed with an unknown man. She was in the form he remembered her. Her soft tan skin was glowing from sunlight coming in from the window above the bed. Her hair shined the beautiful silky black he had loved to rub his hands through. Tears began to flow from his eyes. He couldn't believe he let such a disrepectful woman take his place in heaven. The other man was whispering to her, making her smile. Then he embraced her as she smiled and pulled him close. They laid together in the bed wrapped up laughing. Still sweating from the sin they committed. "So how long does he have?" he asked. "Haha, at least 6 more months." she replied wrapping her arms around him. " Well that's good. I'll take care of his 'ol lady while he's gone." he said smiling then kissing her forehead. "That's how I support my troops."
Rage enveloped Derrick. His eyes turned from a painful look to glare full of regret. Lake had slipped up behind him watching Derrick snap. "You can end this," Lake snarled. "This pain, this torture. You don't have to endure this like the others have to. These people didn't see you for how special you really are. But guess what? I do. I know that you are someone to be respected and feared." The image in front of Derrick began to make his blood boil. The Lana in front of him started having sex with the unknown man. She sat on top of the man facing Derrick and began to ride him. She let out moans of passion while staring into Derricks eyes, smiling. After everything Derrick has seen, from Candice, Tracie, Christina, and now Lana, he had enough. Pain had turned into rage.
"What do I do?" he asked Lake, still glaring at Lana.
"Take my weapon and kill her," he replied passing him a gun. It resembled a Desert Eagle, and nothing like his original 1911. It was blood red, with black sploches that resembled webbing. It made the weapon feel soft and comforatble, like the weapon fit him and only him.
"Shoot them both down." Lake crackled. Derrick took one last look at the ***** he thought loved him for at least the time they shared, thought about the others that he sacrificed a better place for and fired. The first shot was a direct hit in the heart. He back back exploded from the exit wound, sending blood everywhere. The man under he screamed in horror. He was covered in blood. Derrick got the first one out and couldn't stop. The other shots tore through her body until she fell. The unknown man pushed her body over uncovering himself.
"Remember, him too," Lake whispered. Without hesitation he fired again. He hit him in his eye, dropping him immediately. His body when limp as he slid off the bed. Derrick walked around and dropped 10 more into his chest. Lake moved over slowly behind Derrick, viewing his work. Derrick stood silent, weapon still trained on the unidentified man.
"This gun never runs out of bullets, I think I'll take it" Derrick said.
"So this means I have your allegance?" Lake asked.
"Train me." Derrick replied.
CRD1983 CRD1983
26-30, M
Sep 25, 2012