Me Any Companion #2

I have always been full of anger and could go from 0 to 100 in about one second and I just thought I was hot tempered. One day at work a lady from Vietnam was giving me a bad time and since she was a customer I had to be nice. She kepton and on then saying "I got to go" to which I replied "you are damn right you need to go back to Vietnam". She of course went to the manager and complained and when he came out to the gas station I told him.
"You are damn right I said that to her and she does need to go back, I said it, I meant it and I ain`t sorry I said that".
He was a vet and he understood and just said try to cool down. Then a day or two later I walked into the bedroom at home and my wife was watching a program called "JAG" and the stars were standing by "THE WALL" in Washington DC and as I looked at the TV seeing what she was watching I started to cry. I am a grown man and I am not ashamed to cry but this came out of nowhere and that`s when I knew something was not right. This happens to some vets when they retire and have time to think and remember and unfortunately I have a great memory and brought home memories that I did not want to remember. I was having flahbacks everyday and they got worse over time and the nightmares started, sleepless nights, could not handle being around people or noise and I did not have a single friend cause I isolated myself from everyone including my family.
  So anyway I went to see a shrink at the VA hospital and she told me that I was showing signs of having PTSD, I did not know what that was until she explained it to me. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is from experiencing traumatic events leaves a lasting effect on a person. In 1965 I was aboard an aircraft carrier and we headed for Vietnam for 8 months. I had never seen a person die before and we lost 25 men over there. Back then I was invinceable being 21 but now I can look back at the times I came close to dying and it scares the hell out of me. More next week.
Pmacphoto Pmacphoto
70+, M
2 Responses Jan 11, 2013

Thanks once again. I must say, it sounds very lonely having to live with PTSD as you describe it which I don't imagine helps anything. Also very scary. I'm so glad to know you are getting couselling and have also found writing about it helps too. Anytime you need to share, talk about or even just cry, among many other people here, I am also here for you. Hugs!

Thank you.

Good writing sir! get it off your chest and out of your heart!

That will never happen.

true, sorry, but maybe you'll learn to live with it?

I go to therapy and I can cope alot better today.

Good and I'm proud of you! Thank you!

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