Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

The Executioner's Song. In My Back Yard.

Littlle P, my 10-pound Dachshund smoothie, can somehow hear their itty bitty feet scampering around in the dewy grass at first sunlight. That's what I imagine.

He's suddenly alert, leaps with intent from my bed where his brown, velvety body spent the last several hours peeled to my thigh, and pushes his nose up against the bedroom double doors leading to the lanai. Biological need and even food (the green can of Solid Gold, stinky Beef Tripe) come second.

P's tail has a slow, ominous wiggle. The Gecko Lizards are somewhere about. Death will soon be in the air.

They are the cutest little things. We Americans who ever turned on a television know them intimately because the smiling green spokes-reptile for Geico Insurance is an animated gecko with a cute Aussie accent. 

For P, they are merely items for torture, murder and, sometimes, a snack which leaves a mere tail for mommy to clean up.

The Butcher flies out the screen door and instantly and silently disappears behind thick and fragrant shrubbery and plants. They do little to disguise the savagery and imminent death. 

There are few nooks and crannies which P doesn't know. Their hiding places are merely traps for ambush. I've seen him snap them up, only their tails extending from his mouth, a chance to save them useless. If I call P, he's gone.  If later he's slow to suck up the oh-so gross tripe, I know his belly has tasted gecko flesh.

He's ruthless and deadly. The little lizards are as cunning as a stone but they are incredibly quick (and, a favor of evolution, multiply like crazy).

P's guile and ingenuity amazes me. If one lizard specimen is out of reach several feet up the screen lanai wall, P will throw his head into the lower portion of the screen to knock the stunned gecko to the floor and into his snapping jaws. Perhaps my mind plays tricks but in the morning with the sun rising on the right side of the back yard, P hunts and makes his approach from the same side. In the evening with the sun setting in the west and the left side of the property, P attacks from that side. He's using the sun's position to blind the critters.  Yes he is.

At night when he finds his favorite spot and pours his furry body next to my flesh and rests content, I can't help but think what he will dream and what he will anticipate at first light. 

HootieBootieInLuv HootieBootieInLuv 26-30, F 17 Responses Aug 14, 2012

Your Response


I have a full size b&t longhaired dachshund and she does the same thing! They are so smart it amazes me! I have a shih tzu that I love but honestly, compared to my doxie she is soon stupid!
I also foster dachshunds for a local rescue group

Wow! what a dog! He makes my cats seem lame when they hunt mice.. I really appreciate that they station themselves outside the front door, awaiting our return at night. The porch light has attracted about a million moths, but they have certainly cut down the population, and not many get through the door, thanks to Chubs and Nubs.

I like geckos and dachshunds. They are the cutest little dogs. Especially the long hair variety. Adorable. My niece has one named Maddy. She is smooth and cute as can be.

Love my little Dashund!! Not quite the killer your's seems to be but loveable non the less.

Good to hear from ya. Hope you enjoyed the summer (still is for you and me) and all is well on all fronts. Love our little monsters.

It seems that for some reason, the geckos were everywhere, especially last week.. I don't know if they knew a storm was a brewin or not, but they've been very active..always hearing the little shuffling of leaves, and watching them take off faster than you can imagine. My goof of a son.. Cynder the 3 legged yellow lab that swears that 4th leg is still there and tries to scratch himself behind the ear, to only have the stump pumping furiously.. tries chasing them but stands no chance,, but it will be a cold in hell when he gives up. I actually love having the geckos in the house. They don't bother or hurt anything, and they eat bugs, something that we have plenty of down here. But... since getting my two little rescues.. Tasha & and sister kittens from the same litter, the geckos stand no chance at all. The two of them work as a team, stalking the gecko as the ultimate prey until finally pouncing on them..only then do they realize that the tail breaks off, leaving them with this squiggly thing hanging out of their mouth. But it's only a matter of time before the gecko has met his match, and the kittens enjoy a feast of the geicko gecko ;-)

Their advantage is that the doggies may grab a bunch of them but there will be 50 more to take their place. I got P a doggie tee shirt: "Never met a Lizard I didn't like."

that's adorable!! lol

What a smart and capable pet! I feel sorry for the lizards (they're cute too!) but that's just the way life goes I suppose... it's like how spiders keep us from getting swarmed by flies and other flying things. Well written, Katie. Honest and amazingly desc<x>riptive.

Lizards and dachshunds - that pretty much epitomises Tuscany.

Furball returns triumphant.

Triumphant would be pushing it. Actually, they were wall geckos. Even closer. Hmmm.

When my oldest daughter was living in Tampa, the geckos drove her crazy. She knows they are suppose to be cute and not really anything to worry over, but she hated them benig in the house and on things when outside. like her foot. Not good. The dog would go after them some, but was not overly helpfull in thinning the population by any significance. Of course, like you say they have the advantage in breeding and numbers. So, I took things into my own hands on a visit and did a little research on the food chain and where our little friends fit in. A quick visit to the farm supply, then some of this and that in a sprayer. <br />
Thank you very much, the results where amazing and lasted several months. Then they had a cold snap that took the entire bug/insect/critter population down to what was a more acceptable level. A few years of mild winters and all those crawley things multiple like crazy.

My dog must be too well fed. She simply kills mice, and other small mammals and leaves them on the front porch. Sort of a "no thanks necessary offering." Of course, last week she drug a 15lb dead carp up on the porch that she apparently took great pleasure rolling in prior to delivery.

Is not sniffing and licking each other's *** a thing of delight? Double gross: dog breath after an appetizer of fresh, young lizard.

or better yet, when they are eating horse turds....

Not so much in the Florida heat, but those frozen February 'Poopsicles' in N.J. were a tasty treat for the family pups. Double yummy if it was from their brother or sister.

I love this. :)<br />
<br />
For a dog, he's a lot like a cat. I don't think my dog would have the courage to eat something that was alive. He'd rather play with it. <br />
<br />

Must be a boy dog. I'm thankful that I typically only have to clean up little tails.

Ahhh... that's right... yours is a girl. We all know that girls are far more vicious than boys. ;-)

I love the geckos as they are nature's killing machines. There is not a roach or nasty crawling insect that can escape a hungry gecko. I have heard of and know about the domesticated cats killing sprees once left outside but have never experienced it as my cat has never left my side. This is the first time that I have heard of a dog picking up where the cat left off. So the food chain ends with Persnickety? Sasha is not an accomplice to the slaughter I partake or just too pampered to care.

Smile-inducing, yet a tale of the most desperate life-and-death struggles. You lassoed the muse once again.

A thousand centuries of behavior isn't going away because some high pitched female is frantically yelling, "Persnickety, spit out the lizard!"

I can just hear it now. Imagining what would happen if someone shouted that at you at just the wrong moment ....

Like Persnickety, it would fall unintelligibly and ignored on deaf ears and full mouth.

LOL I love my doxies but they are killing machines. . . lizards, snakes, and even nasty looking moles end up on my back steps as presents for "mommy." They hunt together and it is hilarious to watch their little short legs try to keep up with their unbridled passion for the hunt. . . I cannot stand when they find rabbits though. I try to get out there and scare the rabbits before I let them follow but it doesn't always work.

And hysterical barking from the living room window at anything, human or four-footed, that dares to stroll down the street.

And they change their bark depending on whether they hear something or someone that is familiar to them or a complete stranger. They can sound menacing when they want. I have three by the way and they are all unique. I wouldn't take a million bucks for them because they are the most loyal little creatures I have ever known.

i love geckos, but i suppose i love your hound dog more, so live and let geckos die.

Awww, it's funny to think the blood thirsty lil beastie is a "hot dog puppy...but soo cute!! Great read Katie.....I've never experienced a Dachshund in the staring roll of a horror saga!! :D

Remind me to speak with P ... no male worth his salt shall ever exit your bed before being forced to do so regardless of the tastiness of the snack on the otherside of the glass. That aside, I do wonder why the little green guys don't think to escape the butchers jaws of death and destruction through a swift climb up the wall. The screen escape I see as flawed but solid wall most certainly another story. Does Sasha share in P's savage hunt to the death adventures? And what exactly does chewed gecko breath smell like?

You're lucky it's just the geckos...mine are fond of frogs, birds, and the occasional mouse. Heaven help us if squirrels ever take up residence in the neighborhood.