A recent D/s relationship has sent me spiraling down into a horrible state of sadness and mistrust.
I have been involved in the kink lifestyle for a little more than fifteen years. Only involved in the scene for a little over a year. I recently met and became involved with a Dom that I thought was safe. Boy was I wrong. We met at a munch and took some time to get physical. After about 8 weeks we decided to attend a kink even together. It was a disaster for me. He told me about almost every negative attribute I had. He made it so very obvious when he was viewing younger, thinner girls. It was as if he was deliberately trying to hurt me. He told me (when it was supposed to be a tender moment between us) that there will always be younger, prettier and smarter girls but that didn't matter because he loved me. I thought if this is supposed to make me feel good, he's got another thing coming. I suffered through 4 days of mental anguish with a man that said he loved me. Of course when I returned home, I sent a dear john letter to let him know that I was done. I explained in great detail how hurtful the things he said were. I did nothing but focus on his positive attributes and built them up to make him feel good through our relationship. He in turn focused on all my negative ones and knocked me down into the ground making sure to mention them all to me. I can't believe I trusted him. Now I feel like such a stupid girl. My self esteem has taken a big blow as well as my self confidence. I need to heal as fast as I possibly can. I have forgiven him even though he has not said he was sorry he made me feel this way. I just need to be able to heal and move forward.
littlegirl845 littlegirl845
51-55, F
2 Responses Aug 21, 2014

Damn..what a ******* moron!

I can relate so much to this. Recently I dated a man who claimed to be a dom. Very quickly after we started seeing each other he started forcing me to do intense workouts and making me feel like I shouldn't eat at all. He passed judgement every time I put something in my mouth, and trust me I am not "fat" by any means but I have some muscles and he would tell me that my body was too buff. Then he would make me feel pressured into sexual situations. He is an *** hole and I finally realized that. I felt so liberated when I told him that I didn't need his approval and left. There are great doms out there. You will find one.

Thank you for sharing with me. I can really use a friend right now. We have been emailing back and forth. He is trying to justify his actions and I can't seem to make him understand how much he hurt me. His idea of honesty is telling me how others are more wonderful or better looking they are than me. I work out, walk and eat healthy. He on the other hand has a host of health problems. He is very overweight and does nothing to improve his health. He does not try to motivate me in any way to improve my workouts or my health. He sabotages my diet by offering me foods that are unhealthy so that he doesn't feel guilty about eating them himself. How could I have been so blind? I suppose that I allowed my cravings to get the best of me . Still I feel so lonely and sad that the relationship has ended, knowing very well that it was not emotionally healthy for me. This really sucks big time!

Yeah it's all part of his mind games. Don't give in to it. I'm here if you want to talk or vent love.

Thank you so much! I really appreciate it. I am much better today and am getting stronger.