I want an aggressor and an instigator. I want the company of an intensely, sexually dominant male. This I want and I cannot have, because I have a boyfriend. I have a boyfriend who is my age and therefore somewhat less mature, who loves me deeply, whom I love deeply, but who can't excite and enthrall me in the way I need. He's too gentle, too sensitive and sweet to even scratch the surface of the kind of activity I yearn for. This problem is perpetually in the back of my mind and if I allow my thoughts to hover over the subject I feel intense stress, and such dread. I know that I would break his heart, and I don't want to lose him... breaking up would be torture, and I don't know if I could really handle it. I love him, inside and out, unconditionally. But my lust is so tragically separate. I want to be hurt and teased and commanded, so badly. A strictly sexual relationship with a dominant would be enough. I feel deep down that I cannot have my supportive, wonderful loving relationship and sexual contentment at the same time. I hate that the two must be separate for me. I am so hurt when I consider these things, and I am never satisfied. 

AMEnthus1ast AMEnthus1ast
18-21, F
7 Responses Nov 13, 2009

I hope the situation has not deteriorated, since you posted this story. I want to draw your attention to the book, "Ask the Man Who Owns him", by david stein with David Schachter.

I'll take you in if you will have me >:~) your boyfriend will move on in time but it's pointless to be in a relationship if you are not happy,pleased, or being uncontrolled.

do you plan on marrying this guy? maybe you should find a Dom who's gonna make you his *****, treat you like ****, and give you the satisfaction you want and just not tell him about it.<br />
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Or you can also talk to your bf and tell him that you want him to be more aggressive with you in bed or what not.

if girl may suggest that you both talk about the way you are feeling .. look into it online and learn with each other .. if He truly loves You then what is going to hurt with exploring these fantasies .. or lifestyle of which you crave to live .. might wanna try out imvu which is a chat site and you can do your playing there till he gets the hang of things for real life *smiles* good luck

I am a married white male and relate to your story...My wife is exactly like you in the sense she loves being told what to do and totally vulnerable to a very dominate controlling male..Our sex is vanilla when it comes to dominate submissive sex.. We broke up before we were married over her having a affair with this type of guy...We got over it and married only to find us with the situation before us again years later...This time it simply happened and I was very excited to watch the transformation a true dominate can make...I think eventually you will run into this guy because you desire it and it won't go away on it's own...I suggest you slowly open up about your desires!!! If you cheat it could ruin everything!

Talk it over with your boyfriend who knows he might be into it.

Sorry to hear about your situation. Do you think that you could find another outlet for your needs on the side? Have you tried guiding him a little or do you feel it is hopeless?