I Was Lost But Now Am Found

For a while now, I have been feeling like something is missing.  I was so lost and confused about who I am.  In my depression, I started listening to my ego and pain body, reacting to everything, even getting upset with my own family and my boys over small things.  I lost all rationality.  I was full of negative, nagging thoughts, feeling sad all the time.  I tried calling for help when I was all emotional and weepy but no one seemed to understand.  After attending a silent retreat Healing The Whole Person over the weekend, I experienced what Lent means.

On Friday March 5, I carried my cross (sufferings, pains of past) to Maranatha Retreat House, full of ego and resistance.

On Saturday March 6, with the Spiritual Director's help and meditation, my stone cave (heart) was opened as I surrendered all the pains and sufferings to God.

On Sunday March 7, with Earth Walk, I opened myself to silence, listened to nature with full attention and rose from the dead, I was healed.  I felt light.

I am now very watchful of my thoughts, ego and pain body.  I do not judge them, I just note and let them go.  I receive love and light and I radiate love and light everywhere I go and to everyone I meet so that there is more love and light circulating on Planet Earth among the humankind and all living things.

eagle2phoenix eagle2phoenix
46-50, F
3 Responses Mar 9, 2010

I'm listening to a few podcasts on livingwithtolle.com to see what you're talking about.

Hi Cindy. It is your egoic view that it sounds pretty fancy and faithful, and it is your pain body wonder how long I will be able to keep it up before I go psychotic. I choose to remain positive and I choose to live life. If there is pain, it is just part of life. Yes, there is a chance I may get depressed again but at least I know what I can do. Live the moment, Cindy.

Sounds pretty fancy and faithful. I wonder how long you'll be able to keep it up without freaking out like a raving lunatic ? At least, that's been my experience.