I Am A Fat Girl... But My Husband Is Having A Hard Time With My Weight Loss.

   I am not sure what to do. I have decided to get healthy, and live a better life, I am doing good!  I have lost 27 lbs. since Dec. 1st. My husband like bigger women and I have known this since we dated in high school, but I can't be like this anymore. I don't know what to do. He is very upset about me loosing weight. I know he tries to be supportive because he knows it is healthier for me, but he is at the point where he can't handle it. Has anyone else here been through this. What can we do? Any and all advice is welcome.
Alohana Alohana
8 Responses Jan 20, 2011

I don't know anything about what you look like now, or what you looked like then, but I can tell you this; I'm personally not able to feel physical affection towards ladies below a certain weight. I can love them, sacrifice for them, try to do what's best for them, and although it's difficult for me, I can even touch them if it's necessary or helpful.
See, for me, physical contact of any sort over a handshake is the most passionately-emotional experience possible. Comfort and surface area make a huge, positive difference in that experience, and the feeling of a person's bones when I touch them is a distinctly unpleasant and distracting one. I don't know whether this is the case with your husband, but you might ask him about it, and if it is, my suggestion is this.
Find some very soft pillows and use them to "cushion" the blow a little for him, by holding one between you when physical contact begins. Ever since I wrote the story "My Worst Nightmare," about this very topic, I've been trying to think of a potential solution, which would, in these conditions, offer me some form of consolation, and this is the closest I've been able to find to that.
I wouldn't want to be in his situation at all. It would feel like something had gone wrong, if I ever married a woman I thought was beautiful, and she began to actively oppose that beauty *after* making a lifelong commitment to me. I'd never break such a commitment myself, not even if I was devastated by the change, but I would be miserable. You only get one chance at this.
P.S.: I'm not saying I couldn't have a relationship with a thin person; just that all physical aspects of that relationship would be seriously handicapped by her thinness. We could still talk and be friends and stuff.

Just keep on loving him. Let him see (and feel) your love every day. From my own experience, he is worried that when you get skinny, you will leave him for some other man. I know, because it happened to me. My Ex lost 65 lbs, and on one sunny day three years ago in the spring (almost to this day) she informed me that she wanted a divorce. Then when it was legal to do so after the divorce, she married a man who lived a flashy life - because she said she deserved more than I could provide.
So make him feel loved, and not let him worry about you leaving him. Make him really feel like he is your MAN and no-one else can turn your eyes to them. Like I have always said, it is not what you see on the outside, it is who is on the inside that really counts. Turn on your love light, and shine it on him - and wait to be astonished!

The point is that even though he is sad, he still supports you and loves you, yeah he wants you bigger,but he still helps you with your weight loss. Its also healthyer to be fatter than to be skinnier, and even if its not the health and your worried about what people think of you, don't. They don't care, they're worried about themselves, not you. If I were you, I would gain it back, and even maybe more, you can eat whatever you want, your husbands more attracted to you, and you'll be healthier fat than skinny. Just gain it back. He loves you either way, but love is only 3/4 of a relationship, 1/4 is appearance, so go out and eat whatever you want. Now every ones happy.

FYI its more healthy to be fat

Well i think he should love u for who u are and not what u look like. If he cant handle that then u have to ask does he really love u. Congrats on the weight loss.

That's a challenge.The bottom line is how do YOU feel,physically and mentally?If he really loves you,he will support either choice.What were your reasons for losing weight-family input,doc,otherwise?Were you chubby when you got together?

I prefer large women as well. However, I don't see a woman being large as the end-all and be-all of her existence. I consider health and her own preferences to come before mine. In other words, if for any reason it is deemed that she must lose weight to maintain her health, or if for any reason, she has simply decided to lose weight, then this overrides what I like.<br />
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While I'd prefer that you were happy and fat, in the end, I'd rather you be happy than fat.

That is a most interesting story.. I'm sorry he is not more understanding. I wish the best for you. <br />
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Congrats on the weight loss!!