Foreplay Should Be Called Scoreplay

My husband, he is a darling man....So sweet, with good intentions...He may be incredibly selfish and temperamental, but he does have his moments where he tries REALLY hard to show that he loves me. These demonstrations are shown, 80% of the time, through food. Yes, I can laugh about it...but hey, at least he shows me in some way. For example, last night he ran to town and I asked him to get me a snickers candy bar while he was out. I was really craving one! lol. Well, when he came home he was proud to present me a snickers ice cream candy bar...like he had one-upped himself by going above and beyond! However, one thing about me....I'm not an ice cream person. lol. (You would think he knew this by now...since we've been together for a total of almost 5 years) I started to say I didn't want it, but I realized he was trying to make me happy....So I ate it....Why was he trying to go above expectations with this snickers? lol....It's because he won't do foreplay...he won't even make out with me. I've been patiently complaining for the past couple of months...(yeah, patience and complaints go REAL well together, don't they?!)...I keep hoping that he will at least try....but he won't. He used to at least make an effort. This was before we got married. I mean, really, what is sex without foreplay? Especially for a woman?! Men are microwaves, ready in seconds...women are ovens, you've got to give us some time to warm up! He just wants to jump in, get it over with, and move on. Of course this is no good for me.....I mean, he's always acting like he wants to give me these amazing *******, but how the heck is he supposed to do that when he can't even take the time to warm me up? I mean, I don't mind warming myself up SOMETIMES...but not every single time....I looooove foreplay...and making out....Making out is a HUGE part of foreplay. It's not that hard...just kissing, touching, playing around....I don't see why he finds it such a nuisance. We've only been married 1 year and 8 months....I shouldn't be THAT boring to him yet! lol. I hope that with more time, more talks, and more patience he will come around and start having some fun with it. Seriously, you're usually not going to score any mind blowing sex without foreplay...(Sometimes, but not that often) It's a good thing that he shows me he loves me in other ways, because otherwise I would totally think he was repulsed by me or something. Well....I'm going to move onto something else now...I'd prefer to be in a happy mood!
cherryxblossom cherryxblossom
26-30, F
29 Responses Aug 3, 2010

She divorced him a long time ago. I don't understand why there are guys who are allergic to foreplay, apart from what I mentioned about trying to hide a problem with keeping erections. But this is an ob<x>ject lesson of what can happen.

blossom -- i meant that i would've got you going, done the good stuff in the front, so you'd be WANTING to do the rest, BEGGING to do the rest, not doing the warming up on your own. :) and, i know about the doing it yourself any ol' time anyway. :(

grunt, did that too:P When I said I tried, everything, I meant everything:P lol. And you know, it's get old warming yourself up:P You can do that any ol' time anyway.

Separated?! Shoot... I was just going to offer to do the warming up part for him. <br />
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Best of luck to you! :)

:P Did that tx....then he never wanted to have sex. Anywho, don't reply back about it. I don't want to think about it. We're separated now:P

The probably best thing that ever happened to the women in my life happened to me when I was nineteen. Had sex with a gal on my mother's living room floor with the family due back from grocery shopping. My friend was an unhappily married older gal (23); it had been a while and she was really horny. She had a real nice ****** and then wouldn't let me finish because they might be home any second; and began to learn this was a common experience for women. Ohhhh... Okay. I ALWAYS take care of my gal, plus, it's just fun.<br />
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Besides just loving foreplay for its own sake, it seems that I've had sex with most women that I've kissed. Mostly it's been a matter of going at their speed. Making out is the best!

don't rush the having kids part my dear :) it'll come soon enough...once you have them, you can't put them back! lol i agree with previous comments...you marriage should be stable and healthy first before having kids...b/c you certainly won't have time to work on it after the kids come lol

I'm sure you're right. I would just really like to have children while my parents are still around though...

I agree with the counsel of those who say wait till your marriage is better to have babies. I asked his age because of this. A lot of guys become a lot more sensible and easier to be reasoned with when they get to be a few years older than your husband is. And on EP you can read a lot of comments from women who swear that men in their late 20s and older make more attentive, better lovers. That may partly relate to men that age needing more foreplay themselves, which is not at all to be confused with impotence, but rather is a kind of natural cooling down from the downright painful horniness of males in their teen and college years. So there's reason to hope for improvement. And remember your vows about till death do you part. Not that I'm at all suggesting there's no hope of him changing in the short term.

I'm on my second marriage. My first wife and I were just too young. We went through so many changes in our lives, with college, careers, living situations, family. It's very hard to deal with all that AND keep a marriage healthy. I didn't marry again until I was 34, as was my wife. What a difference! We still have our problems, but we're better equipped to deal with them.

24

How old is your husband?

The best wisdom comes from experience. How many times have you been married?

You're very welcome. I wish I could say all my wisdom comes from deep thinking and study! Unfortunately a lot of it is from experience. I got married young too....the FIRST time! lol

hmmm...point taken...Thank you for such thoughtful advice.

If he's a good man then that will definitely happen CB. But that's a separate issue. There are two issues, your relationship with your children and your relationship with your spouse. The children will stress your relationship with your spouse, in all aspects, including sex. If there's already an issue in your spousal relationship, children will stress that further. If you're not happy with your sex life before kids, just wait until you have them! LOL.<br />
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My clear-as-mud point is to make sure you're totally happy in all aspects of your relationship before you have children, because children will magnify any relationship problems with your spouse. They won't solve any problems. Quite the contrary, they will create more or exacerbate existing problems. If that happiness isn't there then get out before you have kids.

I hear you there!!! (children don't spice up your sex life) haha. THAT'S for sure! Especially in our itty bitty house. haha. Honestly though, not to sound incredibly naive or anything, but I really believe that children would have a very strong, positive effect on him. I think he would really take the reins and be a good father...and it would teach him a lot about responsibility.<br />
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Hmm...CC, I don't know. I feel kind of selfish now that you mention because I had never really thought of that before. He's never mentioned anything about it, but he doesn't ever last very long. I think that might actually be part of the problem. He never lasts too long, but there really is no problem getting it back up....hmmm...I might ask him about this tonight when he gets home...Thanks!

I do wish you luck CB. But please, don't spend too much effort and waste years trying to change him. A few months is good, a few years spells disaster. And don't even consider children until you're completely happy in your relationship. Children are one of the best things to happen to me in my life, but one thing that they don't do is spice up your sex life with your partner! ;)

I don't understand men who don't consider getting their hands on a woman's breasts and crotch to be an integral part of "the good stuff." Does he have problems keeping his erection? Some men are motivated by that to rush things along.

You're right Myth...to each their own:P I think he's starting to realize that he's been slacking, Flower. I know, we're way too young for this! It's not like we've been married 20 years or anything:P haha. And yes, he is missing out!!! I'm excited to see how thing go over the next month or so though!

my ex wasn't big on foreplay either....like msshelly said...emphasis on the EX part. foreplay and teasing just did absolutely nothing for him he said. ummm...HI...it's a big thing for me! he hated teasing or dragging things out. he said he would just get bored and wished i would hurry up so we could get on with the good stuff. yeah...needless to say, we weren't very sexually compatible. and that was a big part in the reason i broke up with him a month ago. Your man should want to DEVOUR you and please you the way you want to be pleased. i'm not settling for anything less than this b/c if i'm gonna be with someone for the rest of my life, the sex HAS to be right...we have to be compatible and open with each other. otherwise, it just won't work for me. <br />
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and yes...we had MANY talks about what i wanted...and i felt like i struck out nearly every time. i wasn't going to spend the rest of my life disappointed and angry with our sex life. no way. i deserve better than that :) and so do you cherry!! i hope your man wakes up to your needs SOON!! you're far too young to be THIS stuck in your sex life already :(

That is a good idea myth! I've attempted something similar before and he got mad and started acting like a jerk:P lol. I think it would be different though if I were to try now....So alrighty msshelly! I'm adding it to my list too!

Pamperurft: I'm not sure if it's from a book. I believe I heard it from a friend once. I guess it's one of those quotes that just gets stolen and passed around. It's a good one!<br />
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I hope so too Myth. He's seems to be trying really hard to be a better husband in general lately...recently even trying to improve sexually. At least there is something to be optimistic about!!

Good thing, too, is I don't have to worry about getting my hand pregnant. We always use protection, though I'm quickly running out of rubber gloves.

haha, fiveplay...nice:P

Being single, I'm only used to fiveplay, but it's not like my right hand ever complains.

Thanks firera and, bybybuster lol!! <br />
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No apologies necessary msshelly. We can really relate on this topic! I've done stunts like that too....nothing like being pushed away after you've spent hours preparing yourself, the room, and whatever else you decided to try each time:P And you're right, it can really make you doubt yourself at times. I hope you've found someone who appreciates you and can keep up with you now!

Yet another reason not to marry young. Men are stupid. We need lots of time to learn and practice pleasing a woman. We're so selfish, without being aware of the fact, when we're young and don't have the patience to sit back and enjoy taking our time.<br />
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Ah well. Good luck! You've got a long hard road ahead of you (no pun intended).

i would help out if i could