These Are Some Cards You Will Never See In Hallmark

"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell til I met you."

 

"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me."

 

"If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister."

 

"Thanks for being a part of my life!!! I never knew what evil was before this!"

 

"As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."

 

"Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again."

 

"Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...Almost Lifelike!"

 

"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise."

 

"I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."

 

"We have been friends for a very long time, what say we call it quits."

 

"I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here."

 

"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?"

 

"Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!" (available only in Arkansas)

deleted deleted
26-30
6 Responses Feb 21, 2010

AHahhahahahahahaaha I LOVE these!

I once gave a friend of mine a sympathy card for his birthday. He did not think it was funny :)

Love it! Got anymore about mothers?!!

Ha ha ha ha ha I love those. I actually used to write sentiments for American Greetings Create-a-card program! LOL!

o_O

Ouch!<br />
Thanks for not sending me any cards.