Must Be What It Feels Like When You Ascend Into Heaven

One morning when I was in high school my alarm clock went off a little over one hour too early. I can't remember why that happened, only the vague recollection that it did. I hated waking up too early, since I couldn't relax enough to get back to sleep, knowing my alarm would ring soon.  It was a nasty clock too, with those old-fashion bells on top and a small hammer between them that did more rpms than Indycar racers.  With more than an hour before I actually had to get up, however, I wound up falling asleep again.  When I woke up the second time I felt a lot better for having been able to sleep some more.  It just felt like I'd been able to cheat and grab more sleep than normal.

I tried that a few more times, intentionally setting my alarm clock too early so I could go back to sleep again.  The fun eventually wore off, though, especially if I couldn't manage to get back to sleep after being woken up too early.

Thus began my love affair with going back to sleep after waking up.

In recent years I've often set my alarm just a little early, to allow myself more time to get ready before leaving for work.  At least half the time, though, I'll reset my alarm, instead, so that I can grab and extra 20 minutes or however long before getting up with just enough time to get ready.  It's not the healthiest way to go, I might add.  It's a lot less stressful getting ready for my day when I have a little more time to pull myself together.  And if I finish getting ready too early, I can always lay down again for another 20 minutes, or however long I have left, before it's time to go.

Weekends, however?  That's a different story.  My work week wore me out so much that by the weekend I simply collapsed.  I would sleep for 12 hours soemtimes -- waking now and then to use the washroom, but always going right back to bed.  Those times, going back to sleep after waking up, must be what it feels like to ascend to heaven.  It is so peaceful, welcome, and insistent.  Good for both the mind and body. 

When I have one of those marathon sleeps I'll often have some vivid dreams too, since I've fallen behind on sleep during the week and my system has to catch up.  Have you ever found that too, where you lose more sleep as the week continues, then, when you can finally rest your dreaming goes into overdrive?  It's something else.  It reminds me of the wildly vivid dreams I had when I was a teenager.

Not everyone enjoys this, of course.  There are those who get their sleep, but once they wake up again don't want to linger in bed.  There's something to be said for that, too, about getting up so you can enjoy a full day.  If I'm working a regular morning shift my system adjusts so that even on weekends I'll wake up early and want to get up.  The last couple years, though, I've been pulling straight graveyards, which has totally screwed me up, so I will linger in bed after waking.  My counsellor informed me only yesterday, actually, that graveyard shifts don't work well with people who struggle with depression, like me.  It never was easy, that's for sure, except that I was glad to have a job.

And for me, at least, I find going back to sleep after waking up, of sleeping in, is really nice.  I don't think I could ever get enough of it.
UnderEli UnderEli
46-50, M
Nov 29, 2012