Bad Draw

When I was 16 or 17 I read Megatokyo, and one page mentioned guro, with a note from the author to never, ever look for it. So I had to go find out what it was. And then I came to gurochan. And it freaked me out, yet fascinated me. Once every few months I was just browse guro pics, many of them seemed so beautiful to me.

Then when I was 18 I went to gurochan regularly, I went there mostly when I was feeling depressed. It helped me. Even now, when I'm feeling depressed /g/ makes me feel better. Or worse sometimes, I'm not sure - because it makes me feel better but also makes me want to cut. I'd even just search other places for gory artwork. I really liked the hint of sexuality in the gore. But this is something I could only like drawn; and I liked multiple styles.

At 19 I was going to gurochan/looking for guro very often. And I started saving pics for my own collection, and got a kick out of reading the discussions. When I wasn't feeling depressed, I usually avoided guro (although I have always really liked very gory manga) but at this point I wasn't ashamed anymore for liking it when I wasn't in the mood. When I was 20 I started to really like /f/ more, and now I like it more then /g/; which is about the opposite pattern most people talk about having. I think it is because I'm not so depressed anymore. I really love most of the art in /f/ and the uniqueness and coolness of it. The quality of art in /g/ has gone way down. I hate Jissouseki, and most of the male/male stuff (some just gore male/male is great though). I like women/girls being the tortured ones, or the monsters. I really love the zombie and necro stuff; I love the decay. I also like loli guro more then I'd like, but it combines my two favorite manga genres -adorable, cutesy girl with gore. I do get turned on by the very bad rape pics, and the very large dicks/small women/fairy stuff. And sometimes just surfing through all of it makes me more horny. But mostly it just is nice to look at. Calming yet exciting. Its weird.

I've stopped trying to now like guro, I really like it too much to give it up. I deleted my collection when gurochan had to restart - since I had a hard time organizing my collection.

My best friend knows I like guro, but although other people know I love horror and like watching/reading the gory stories, no one else knows I like guro. It isn't something that, judging by there reactions to simple horror, would be a good thing to share. Even my best friend doesn't know I like it as much as I do. It'd be nice to have other people to talk about it with, especially in real life. The coolest thing would be to have a girlfriend who liked it as well, but in reality liking guro is going to be more of a minus then a plus to potential relationships.

But the gore, the decay, the disfiguring and mutilation - it is so pretty and calming and exciting to me. I really like guro, even if it is weird and not for real-life.

MundaneButterfly MundaneButterfly
18-21, F
Jul 15, 2010