Why I'm Screwed Up? Or Not.

I see sex as animal behavior, and a powerful show of dominance. When a man who is a giant stud monster nails a nerds wife, it's human/animal nature. It's normal for a woman to want to have sex with the alpha male. It's normal for studs to want to spread there gene's around, and everyone's wife is fair game. Is this fair? YES, it's nature and that;s how we are wired in our brains. Just holding a mans **** when its bigger around than my wrist makes my juices flow, and guess what, he's not hearing no from any normal woman, married or not. So why am I screwed up, if I am? My first time was date rape at twelve while my parents were home. I had my own door to go outside next my room that was in the basement. A friend would come over a couple times a week late at night. I wasn't supposed to have anyone in the house, especially a fifteen year old boy. We would put a blanket on the floor which was cement so it made no noise, and we would play nintendo. One night he just pushed me over and got on me and was grinding his **** on my crotch and kissing me. I was just thinking of how much trouble I would be in if one of my parents came down. After a while he yanked his pants down to his knees and started to take my shorts off, and I was quietly trying to tell him I didn't wanna do it. He ignored me and mounted me. While he was helping himself to my virginity, all I could think was, I hope no one comes down. I was so scared to get caught even though he was forcing me. And without wanting to, or trying, I was aroused and had an ******. I fell in love with him, and nine days later he dumped me. So, I'll never know if this is what screwed me up, or if I was screwed up before, and this just exposed it.
ditz ditz
46-50, F
1 Response Nov 26, 2012

After me & my wife got married she disclosed that she had been sleeping around before we got married. I found out later that she was date raped at age 14. she says the reason she had so much secret random sex was because off that event. I think she just like the excitement off slutty boys & big *****.