Life Changes On A Dime

In late June of this year I went into ER after battling double vision for a month and a cold. MRI was done showing Multiple Sclerosis. By August I could not walk. I just now got back to work but have no energy for my two precious children. I'm angry this has redefined my life.
Smk2003 Smk2003
31-35, F
2 Responses Dec 15, 2012

Yes - MS can have good days and bad ones. I'm still just angry. I used to go for 16 hours a day and work full time on too of it all. I'm scared. Hate the steroids and just worry if I can work until my retirement. I've only been teaching 9 years and my kids are young. We are a two income household so that terrifies me. After being dependent on a cane an then a walker, I saw how reality of wheelchairs was so real for me. I struggle with mood swings and patience. I feel like a totally different person. I feel embarrassed at work when I walk zig zagged and people stare with pity/ concern. It sounds selfish but some days I want to scream everyone STOP! I have MS and my life will never be normal again. You are complaining about money- you have your health. Be grateful. I was always very healthy- never sick. One cold turned to double vision turned into my biggest nightmare. I read alot about MS and it all seems very dreary. I don't feel well. My eyes bug me. My legs are wobbly. I'm tired by 5 pm and its all so unfair to my children. They are only 5 & 6. I'm more angry for them- not me. I feel like leaving, giving my husband a chance to get ahead with either life insurance or a chance with a healthy wife, capable of working a full career and raising my kids the way they deserve to be raised. I see a dr tomorrow about med. I have a "plan". I'm afraid to tell him this in fear he will want me in a hospital. I cannot afford to miss work. I have no paid days. My son is sick today and needs to stay home tomorrow. I can't stay with him because I have no paid days and we can't afford any more docked pay checks. His dad will be with him but I want to be.

Live day by day. It must be very tough not to be able to be for you children. Be strong and do not give up.