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Play On Words

HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES  (LOVERS OF WORDS):

 

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

 

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

 

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?  He's all right now.

 

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

 

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work

 

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

 

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

 

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

 

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

 

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

 

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

 

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

 

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

 

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

 

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground

 

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

 

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

 

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

 

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

 

A will is a dead giveaway.

 

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

 

A backward poet writes inverse.

 

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

 

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

 

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

 

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

 

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

 

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

 

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

 

A grenade which fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

 

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

 

Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

 

He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

 

A calendar's days are numbered.

 

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

 

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

 

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

 

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

 

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

 

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

 

If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

 

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

 

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to dough basis.

 

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

 

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

 

======================================

 

and then my favourite of all time:

 

A doctor fell into the well

and broke his collar bone

This should teach the doctor

to tend the sick

And leave the well alone!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



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elle2 elle2 36-40, F 7 Responses Jun 25, 2007

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Thanks for sharing.. got my chuckle for the day... keep up the good work

Hello,<br />
<br />
Is me lucy oluderba please listen<br />
<br />
FRIENDSHIP MEAN BEAUTY OF A HUMAN<br />
<br />
FRIENDSHIP MEAN LIKE GOLDS<br />
<br />
FRIENDSHIP MEAN FRESH FLOWER<br />
<br />
FRIENDSHIP MEAN FEELING<br />
<br />
FRIENDSHIP MEAN HAPPINESS<br />
<br />
FRIENDSHIP MEAN PLEASED<br />
<br />
FRIENDSHIP MEAN SHARING<br />
<br />
FRIENDSHIP MEAN THINKING<br />
<br />
FRIENDSHIP MEAN SUGGESTION<br />
<br />
FRIENDSHIP MEAN CONNECTION<br />
<br />
FRIENDSHIP MEAN WASTING TIME<br />
<br />
FRIENDSHIP MEAN KILLER OF LIFE<br />
<br />
FRIENDSHIP MEAN TEASING<br />
<br />
FRIENDSHIP MEAN JOKING<br />
<br />
FRIENDSHIP MEAN GOOD RELATIONSHIP<br />
<br />
FRIENDSHIP MEAN GOOD PARTNER<br />
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FRIENDSHIP MEAN CALLING IN A SAVIOR CONDITION<br />
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FRIENDSHIP MEAN LEAVING IN A SAVIOR CONDITION<br />
<br />
FRIENDSHIP MEAN LIVING IN A GOOD CONDITION<br />
<br />
FRIENDSHIP MEAN TIME PASS<br />
<br />
FRIENDSHIP MEAN INVESTIGATE<br />
<br />
FRIENDSHIP MEANS A PART OF LIFE<br />
<br />
FRIENDSHIP MEANS A NICE THING<br />
<br />
FRIENDSHIP MEANS A RIVER<br />
<br />
FRIENDSHIP MEAN WINDS<br />
<br />
FRIENDSHIP MEAN VERY SENSITIVE RELATION<br />
<br />
FRIENDSHIP MEAN TREES OF FOOD<br />
<br />
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<br />
So lets be friends forever!!<br />
lucyloveoluderba@yahoo.co.in<br />
<br />
Yours forever<br />
Miss lucy.

I'm stealing the baseball joke.<br />
<br />
Bomb in a tenement kitchen: linoleum blown-aprt

I love it!!! soo funny!

Hahah, damn that's nice stuff!!!!

i LOVE it!

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhhahah!!!!! funniest thing i've read all year!!!! thanks :D