A Lot To Say About What I Hear... Here Goes Nothing

I suppose for me, the human heart is a particularly sensitive subject. Something of my own that I guard quite zealously. To me, the human heart is a window to the soul. I constantly struggle with ways to try and explain what I feel to others, and so far I think the following is the best I can come up with so far. It is directed at Chris: my boyfriend, partner, other half, teacher, best friend, and dearest love.

To be allowed to listen to your heart Chris means so terribly much to me. I really can’t explain it in any other way besides that it draws me that much closer to hear the beating of the heart of the one I love. I’m, I guess you could say, addicted to the sound of your heartbeat.

I’m rather bashful to admit it. Like I said, this is a very sensitive subject for me.
I keep my own heart very closely guarded and I don’t like just anyone being able to hear or feel it. I am very self conscious about it and extremely aware of if someone is able to hear or feel it. It makes me pretty anxious and uncomfortable. The only instance where this is not true is if it is you, Chris. I want you to be able to feel or hear my heart. Freely, openly, and whenever you please. It’s a most precious gift from me to you, as the heart holds no secrets. Everything is laid bare. Perhaps that is why I guard mine so closely, I don’t want to burden others with myself, I only want to be the helper.

So that you know, I vividly remember every time you have actively sought out my heartbeat. I hold those moments precious close. The time I sat on your lap in your room after talking about something stressful. I don’t even recall what it was we talked about because all my mind has focused on was the fact that you had reassuringly pulled me on to your lap, wrapped your arms protectively around me and pressed your ear to my chest for a while and just held me. Moments like that mean volumes to me, and again it draws me closer to you, it’s that deep physical connection I guess, like, the heart hides nothing.

I crave touch. I am a physical person, and I know you really aren’t much for ‘cuddling’ all the time like me, but sometimes I just need to be held, and sometimes I desperately need to hold you and clear my mind by resting my head on your chest and listening to the steady rhythm of your heartbeat.
I’ll be honest, every day, I think about you and more often than not, I think about how much I want to hear your heart again. I want that comfort and peace that blankets my mind and calms my thoughts and soothes my body whenever I listen to that steady rhythm, or even lay my hand on your chest to feel it pulse, sure and strong. Your very life, the sensation of that precious vitality just beneath my palm; a beating heart that reminds me with each rhythmic throb that you’re very much alive and real. And reminds me of just how blessed I am that I can lay my head on your warm chest and listen to your heartbeat, because you could have just as easily been the one in the wrong place at the wrong time, you could have been the one that lost his life in Afghanistan to an IED. The fact you are alive and breathing today means so much to me and yet is so hard to express. Sometimes I just need to disconnect… to just shut out the world around me and focus on something simple or simply focus on nothing. I love when I can lay my head on your chest and feel you breathe, hear your steadily beating heart, my mind can be clear, I can relax, let go, and just be carried off. It really is relaxing and refreshing to not think about anything and just listen to the sound of a heart…your heart, beating.

I have such a hard time explaining what it is about a heartbeat that makes me feel so close to a person, but it does. It’s such a personal thing I guess. It can’t keep secrets. It draws me closer…

There’s nothing quite like feeling your heart pounding against your chest after our intimate moments. Watching your pulse throb in your neck, and your chest tremble with the thudding of your racing heart is the icing on the cake if you will, reiterating the fact that you enjoyed yourself, as did I. I love the sound of your quickened breathing, racing heart and the feeling of your heated skin against my own.

The beating heart is a double sided coin for me. On one side it is the soothing rhythm of life itself and puts my mind at ease, and on the other it is an incredibly erotic melody that winds me tighter and tighter with each quickened beat. Sometimes I just want to fall asleep to a heartbeat. Other times I want to hear your heart beat quicken as I coax you towards climax and feel it pounding desperately against your sternum as you tremble incapacitated beneath my hands. Then I want to just listen as it gradually slows back to its normal steady and slow rhythm.

I must say that you have the slowest resting heart beat I’ve heard (of the small handful I have actually heard in person). I have a sort of attraction to the slow, steady, even heart beat, and your heart, Chris, is just that, and very strong. Each beat is so clear and deliberate; I may go so far as to say your heart has quite a delightful thump to it. And now I must smile and kick myself because I realize whenever I listen to your heart I can’t think about anything else, and I want to actually clock your heart rate one of these days and have yet to think about it when given the chance.

I anxiously await the next time I can see you, because I know the very first thing I get to do is hold you close in a tight embrace and finally get to feel your heart beating again. It’s getting almost torturous now, your absence. You have begun to frequent my dreams, and most recently I actually dreamt I was laying with you, just listening to your heart. After that, the desire to see you again has only intensified.
AnotherPrettyRedhead AnotherPrettyRedhead
22-25, F
Jan 8, 2013