I remember when I couldn't laugh at my self until one day the awareness of what a serious humorless person literally smacked me in the face.
I was maybe 6 months into recovery living in a house that my mother had given me the down payment for. So I sold my soul and lived perpetually in A.A. or out on the work room floor where every get high freak former acquaintance was just waiting for Johnnie to drop into his next "slip" In those days you could have your drugs hand delivered to you and every pay day pay the tab.
Well I'm not going to get a better job than this. The war I wasn't suppose to survive, I did. Now I had two options go home and tell my wife and daughter that they were going to have to suffer a little more cause Daddy had yet to learn that there was more strength in A.A. as it was written than in all the get high garbage head if it's free it's me chemically induced reality ever brought forth by the hallucinators of mankind.
I would go out to my car and just beg and plead to make through the day so I could see my new friends at night,at the meetings I was starting to hit. Well I ain't claiming anything theological here. I am claiming I didn't get high and I got to my meetings which brought my humorless butt home. Being so stressed out I didn't know how humorless I had become until one day mowing my lawn,instead of laying passed out on my neighbors,I'm pulling this garden hose through a chain link fence when pow,biff,bam,boom,Batman. The nozzle got caught on one of the links and with a real manly testerone bulging of the biceps I yank it as hard as I can and still keep my eyeballs in my head. Well I guess the nozzle of that hose must have been pretty happy where it was cause when it got loose it hit me so hard in the face I yelled. I yelled anything I could think of that was't appropriate. Before I did that I took a careful look around to make sure no one had see me get sucker punched by a hose nozzle. That was my epiphany. This was so funny what had just happened in broad daylight and yet my manliness couldn't tolerate the idea that anyone had witnesses it or worse yet laughed at my total uncoolness. Well I told my sponsor in A.A. about it and he said "Don't take yourself so seriously John, no one else is." It was shortly after that that I realized people are more attracted to someone who laughs than someone who is all silent and manly.
lifeisforfree lifeisforfree
66-70, M
Aug 17, 2014