Say So Much More Then Words.....

I am 27 and have a mentally ill younger sister who is 18. My parents are in denial so I am struggling to support her alone. She recently attempted suicide and I dealt with it all on my own as well as trying to deal with the aftermath. I haven't told anyone as am single and have no friends. I also didn't want to tell co-workers as I was concerned they would judge me or think it all a weird situation that I still live at home as I can't afford to move out. Anyway, one day the other week, I had had ENOUGH of feeling like this. I was very stressed and ended up telling a co worker some of what was going on in my life through text.I know her very well and although I didn't think she would be the right person to tell entirely, I just couldn't handle it alone anymore. A cop out perhaps to text but she hadn't met with me to chat like I had hoped and it couldn't wait any longer. She didn't reply and I didn't see her for a few days, I thought she didn't care but she came to see me yesterday. She sat down and I was making banal conversation and she suddenly asked about my sister. She could see from my face I was getting upset so she told me to go to her. She then pulled me towards her and hugged me for ages saying really comforting and sweet things like how hard it must be, how I have a lot on my shoulders and that she was sorry. I am so used to being strong that I didn't even cry even though I had dreamed about someone hugging me like that ever since it all happened. I keep thinking about it even today and it makes me sad that she probably wont hug me like that for a long time to come and neither will anyone else. Sometimes thats all I need, just to be held. No-one can take the pain away entirely but just being comforted in that way helps lessen it. I just hope she will be there and support me now she knows what I am going through. I also hope she doesn't judge. You take a real risk in life when you open up the way I have. I just hope it's the right choice.
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2 Responses May 17, 2012

I think you have opened up and this friend will be there for you.If you want to rant or would like advice I am also a carer and have children with special needs who have grown up then don't hessitate.I too would like to send you hug so please watch out!

I don't say it lightly but mean it as long as I'm on EP call me if you need to!

Hug...and I wish it was a real one honey. Bless you Jenni.