Took Only 20 Days With Me To Realized How Far I've Gotten.

Everything happened so fast and I kept working long hours and I was too busy to feel.   Losing my family (the way I saw it those days) was just something I did not want to suffer more for.  I was back on my feet again.  I was enjoying so much my work, so much my new life, but I knew that I needed to stop for a while and make an inner job, to find out if I was really  feeling that happiness or just fooling myself or like in many known cases, wearing “The Happy Mask”.
 
It was almost Christmas season, and those days were the busiest days at the hotel. I attended 8 banquets per day and the hotel was booked. I barely had time to see my kids,  my mother was helping me take care of them.  When the season was done, I was exhausted and so I decided to ask my ex-husband to take the kids for the entire Christmas vacations.  That meant  I was going to be without my kids at Christmas Day and New Year Eve. I knew that this had to be faced on my own.
 
They left, and I stayed on my own in my house.  Switched the phone off, the TV antenna and stayed there with me, on me, by myself, with not exterior influence, with no noise, with healthy food, in very extreme emotional season, learning about my new me, my new life. my new vision of  the meaning of life, my regrets (if any),  my mistakes, my failures and my  recent success, my strength, and weakness.
 
 I made a real deep exam of my weakness and strengths in "My past life" and in the new life that came to me as a “gift” when I felt there was no sense to live.
 
It was so surprising to find out that I was better than before.  That I had never felt so happy.  Fr the very first time I understood that having that woman getting into my marriage was the best thing that ever happened. in my marriage, ironical but it was.   Without any feeling for my EX any more, I can clearly see that this man had colored my life with so many colors, have gave me two wonderful kids and such a good life, had taken me to places all over, but was a man that stressed me, that I was to worry pleasing him, that I have forgotten about me.  I was nothing to myself in my family (with sadness, I could see this) my kids and my husband were above me, because I put them there.  It was no their fault at all, it was just me getting VERY wrong what LOVE meant.
 
For the first time after marring I was pleasing myself, Cecilia was the center of my life, Cecilia was important to me, Cecilia was feeling alive and complete.  Wow I was doing so great alone.  Happier than ever, then I was ready to forgive, to move on to a new life, to left behind the pain, regrets and complains, LOTS of complains.
 
I could start planning what I wanted to happen in my future life.  I wanted to love, to be loved. And that is how I started the year of 2009. The year that I realized everything is possible, if you work for it.
 
When my kids came back, they noticed the peace in my soul, in my mind, in my face, in my heart, in my life.
 
Things happen for a reason, and is in "us" only in "us" to find what what for and not why.  When you find the reason, you find the meaning. 

I found the answers I was looking and only took me ONLY 20 days with me.
 
Cecilia
 
MyNameIsCecilia MyNameIsCecilia
46-50, F
1 Response Nov 13, 2011

Congratulations! You have to take care of yourself first, so those that care about you will have you around for a long time. Thusly they will be happy also.<br />
Great Discovery.