It Was About Time
I've been at war with my body ever since the first signs of puberty appeared and for me they appeared while I was still quite young. I had my first bra when I was ten and my first period exactly one month after my tenth birthday. How I hated my breasts! I would sleep with my bra on in the hope that the material would somehow stifle them and keep them from growing. I would cut off each pubic hair that would appear until I realized that this was completely futile.
At twelve I went on my first diet because of a comment one of my aunts made when my mother and I went shopping to buy me a new pair of shorts. I wore a ladies size 12 then and my aunt said ''she wears a 12 at twelve, imagine what she'll be wearing at my age''. The diet started the next day and today it would be considered anorexia. I lost over 30 lbs. in very little time. My mother was beside herself when she noticed that I had stopped menstruating. She pleaded with me to stop dieting and exercising but I wouldn't listen. I finally stopped when I was told that one of my favorite cousins was in the hospital and near death, she had been on the same diet as I was.
Throughout my adult life I have been on and off diets. I weighed 95 lbs. when I married my first husband. After I had gained 10 lbs. he demanded I lose the weight so I went on a protein diet which I had to stop when I started passing out at work. After that I went to Weight Watcher's which was a much better balanced diet.
I did notice though that every time I would lose weight with Weight Watcher's, even if I followed their maintenance program I would put the weight back on. I was eating less and still gaining.
That is when I decided to stop. No more diets. I am who I am and I finally accept that. I'm short and curvy and I like that. I have broad shoulders and a small waist and I don't want to change that anymore. I'm done wasting my time wishing I was something I am not and will never be.
I haven't dieted in ten years now, but I eat well and walk regularly. I look in the mirror and I like what I see, womanly curves and all. I only wish I had had that attitude when I was younger, it would have saved me years of hunger and self-loathing.