Not Going To Go Anywhere, But...

I've never been close with my cousins.  All of them are a few hour drive away, and the older we got, the less we all saw each other.  Our parents have never been close either, so there was never a real emphasis on family.  The last time we really spent time together was when I was a very little girl, and I'd chase my cousin around trying to kiss him, just for fun though.  We've only seen each other a couple of times since then, but we never spoke to each other, and I felt very little for him, even in terms of family love.  He was sort of a stranger to me my whole life, and I doubt I was anything more to him.

A relative passed away recently, and the family had to get together again to take care of things.  He looked so different, so handsome, and I felt horrid for finding myself attracted to him. "Family, family, family, family...."  I was repreating over and over again in my head, trying to keep focused.  There is no point in feeling anything for him, really.  We are basically strangers to each other, and I don't think he likes me much even as a cousin.  I have a boyfriend I adore, and I never plan on pursuing a relationship of ANY sort with a blood relative, but I still feel weird liking my cousin.

Shouji Shouji
1 Response Mar 5, 2010

that is a realy toug thing to think about, most of then lived out of state, so I never had exsperienced what you went through