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Ladies...be Careful. Older Men Can Play You.

Don't get me wrong. I like older men. I have from a young age.

But, believe me. Older guys are very capable of manipulating to get their needs met.

I watched one poor younger woman (age difference 22 years between her and the older guy) allow herself to fall for this very sweet, very charming guy. He never would commit to her, but he was not above the mixed signals game. He would help her out with her work, he was a good and gentle lover, he listened to her when she struggled. She was young and naive enough to believe that if she just waited long enough...just showed him that she was always there....he would eventually come around and he would commit to her. She even watched while they went through a 'just friends' phase and he fell in love with another women right in front of her eyes and introduced her to the new woman so they could be friends! She waited it out, it fell apart, and a few months later they were back to friends with benefits arrangement. Finally, he told her that he was never going to be with her in a serious commitment and she finally broke up with him, but as a strategy to get him to finally realize he should be with her. It didn't work. He became actually serious with a women about a decade older then her and told the other woman he was now happy and looking at a long term commitment!

And, I know the guy.  He is nice, most of the time.  But, men will be men and don't expect even the nicest ones to pass up easy sex from a young woman who will allow him to have his cake and eat it too.  In the end, he actually did feel pretty bad and pushed it really really hard that he was absolutely never going to be that for her, and she had to make a choice.

And, this is one of the 'nicer' ones!   Plenty of older guys will make flat out false promises. They know how easy it is to manipulate younger women, tell them what they want to hear, use money to impress. Many older guys still have a strong sex drive and aren't above manipulating younger women in ways that older women won't tolerate (many older women have been there, done that, burned too many times to know it is ALL in the actions and never in the words)!

Just be careful. There are some older guys who are serious, but watch out for the warning signs. If he won't see you in the light of day, take you out, or introduce you to his family, he is married. And, he may love the romance with you, but you will be history in a minute if it actually threatens his home life.

If your main activity in seeing each other in spaced out visits is sex and nothing else....he is in it just for the sex.

The older you are yourself, the more equipped you will be to understand your attractions and handle larger age differences. A woman of 20 going out with a forty year old is vastly different from a 40 year old going out with a man in his fifties. The forty year old has enough life experience to know herself, and no matter how mature you are, it takes time for a person to know themselves. (For this reason, I believe it would be ideal if people waited until at LEAST 30 until they made a lifetime commitment).

And, lastly, ignore every one of the creeps on this board who are trolling for younger women in this group. Most are likely married. The others are looking for a hook up. Classy older men don't troll for 20 year olds (or younger!) on message boards!



rosedl rosedl 41-45, F 21 Responses Mar 29, 2012

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I hate it when people or someone writes a story about how older guys are this way or that away & they don't know a dammm thing at all about the rest of us good guys . i'am just like you or any other person that wants to come on here & chatt ,have fun & met new people & make me some friends :) & if along the way I do talk to a woman that's yonnger then me :( soo what :( ..isn't that what Ep is all about ??

What you just wrote may be right many times , but not necessarily wrong .
Sure young girls are naive , but still I think her chances of learning her steps are better with older guys . Yes the older guys had learned to handle younger girls much better and even if the girl gets dumped its still done with minimal damage compered if done by guy of her own age .

I thought you wrote a fine story! I'm an older 57, gentleman. I enjoy talking to women of all ages! I usually won't go out with anyone younger than 38 or so. But it's great talking to women in their late 20's, early 30's. I think they have tons of energy!

Useless article. Sorry. What are the signs?

Here we go again.
All men are bad, and women of any age are good!

Not all older men are the same although my experience is not the best one. I was 24 he was 38, seemed like fairy tale until it all fell down and broke my heart, plans and everything I made for the future. Besides, the guy seems a little bit of a psycho or just a great manipulator. Anyways, ladies, think twice before you do such a think.Believe me, only looking at that older face can make you older, not mentioning other things. You will grow older, and they will suck up all your enegry and look even younger. So, always look for the best for youselves, no money can pay youth and happines.

Some good points made but there are just as many young girls looking to play some older guy!<br />
I have gotten e-mails from hot 21 to 24 year olds who tell me I am the one they have been looking for ect and could I send them the money so they can be with me. haha<br />
Both the women and the men need to exercise some caution when dealing with someone new.<br />
Good luck to all

Big difference between emails asking for money and the manipulations inexperienced young women face in dealing with many older men. Not all, no. But, MANY.

Very true!

Nice. True. :)

Not all older men are bad i ask a young lady to leave me a lone some 10 years ago she would sit in the hallway crying so i gave in we married had 2 kids only to tell me that i ve been played .at this time i am living with my kids and ex as she has sex with her dom above my head.because of her values its hard to leave my kids with her.am i crazy.

Although i never fell in love with an older man i have been with a couple and i think older men can be more suitable for young women because theyve gotten done with screwing everything with a hole and are more intellectual? Idk but i prefer older with that said young or old a good guy let alone a great one is like winning the lottery its near impossible to find one but i have men issues anyway...

Although i never fell in love with an older man i have been with a couple and i think older men can be more suitable for young women because theyve gotten done with screwing everything with a hole and are more intellectual? Idk but i prefer older with that said young or old a good guy let alone a great one is like winning the lottery its near impossible to find one but i have men issues anyway...

Although i never fell in love with an older man i have been with a couple and i think older men can be more suitable for young women because theyve gotten done with screwing everything with a hole and are more intellectual? Idk but i prefer older with that said young or old a good guy let alone a great one is like winning the lottery its near impossible to find one but i have men issues anyway...

every man you have a relationship with can play you

Im in a situation like that and im just now relizing it and trying to get out. im 21 hes 36 and we are married and have kids. i know see hoe he decieved me to marry him and how he always gets me to see it his way and how im just a body to him not a woman. i totally get it now and im leaving

The friend you wrote of was you, I think. If so, I'm sorry you were hurt. Unfortunately, there really are so many young women out there making mistakes in relationships with men of all ages. The solution is of course to take their parents' advice (if there is any), but we all know how unlikely that is, so it keeps happening.

Nope, it was not me, I have had plenty of other bad experiences with men! I always write my own stories upfront. This isn't one of em

Fair enough.

Its not uncommon for the younger women to run after older man just to use them. They get money in exchange for their friendship. Not an excuse for the guys but it takes two to tango. The guys are older and they are willing to pay to be in the company of a not so proper young 'lady".

100% agree with you on that :)

100% agree with you on that :)

Guys, young and old can be this way. We just need to be wary. If you are intent on a committed relationship at some point, but he keeps pushing things off...it's a clue! Leave!!! He won't change! YOU can't make him!

That's true, but older men can be particularly adroit in their manupulation and younger woman can be ver naive. Big experience gap

Thank U,I've been with older men and never had this problem.My big problem is control.I do work and support myself some older men don't like that .....so I say "ladies whom ever U are with always keep your independence and freedom to make your own choices in life"

You are right Sarasay38. i have always been independent throughout my journey with older men. However, this one time, in a moment of fatigue and mild depression, I let this guy pay some of my bills -- and shortly after he faded away. I was so distraught, not knowing how to marshal funds to replace what he gave me, and of course really hurt for being dumped. I am now with the guy I should probably have been with from the get go. I have two jobs and apart from this guy paying for all our outings, I don't think I'll ever let him pay my bills. Yes, you are right.

Well, I gave it as a tale of warning. <br />
<br />
My friend I wrote of....she was young, naive, vulnerable, and untested in the way men can be. He was pretty honest overall, he didn't want the type of long term relationship with her that she wanted with him. And, he told her so. Then, he would be so sweet that she would begin to believe he might be serious, but if she started to talk about a future, he would remind her that wasn't the deal.<br />
<br />
A older woman is far less likely to play these games. If she wanted a commitment, she would have said **** or get off the pot. Or, she would know the futility of trying to manipulate him and either truly accept the situation as FWB or leave. Instead, she played along, pretended it was okay, and ended up getting really hurt. Now, some older women would get caught in this trap as well, but far less likely. <br />
<br />
His fault lay in that he knew she was playing this game, and was callous in continuing as he knew she was in real danger of being hurt. Neither party was innocent here, but given that he really knew and disregarded what was really going on to ease his own conscious so he could continue to get sex until he found a relationship he really wanted, it wasn't cool.<br />
<br />
And, no, not all guys are like that.....<br />
<br />
Ladies....don't make it so easy for them!

This sooo puts me off men even more than usual ! Young guys don't commit because they are busyy 'sowing their wild oats' and older guys are just playing you ! <br />
<br />
On a differnt note, not all guys are like that .. i hope !

nope not all guys i never play people if anyone wants to know anything about me ill tell them then its they like me or they dont

Not all guys are like that. My problem is I'm tired of the whole dating/sewing wild oats thing. I need a wife, not a girlfriend. That's what stops me from dating younger women. It's like their always up and about, never settled. That puts me off.