Being An Older Guy

Dating younger women has been a somewhat complicated experience. I am 49 and will be 50 in eight months. I can sense that they are attracted to me, but often times, they put out mixed signals. Being that I'm the kind that  I say what I mean and mean what I say. I get confused in the wishy washy behavior. I fully understand their end, but it can make for some awkward situations.

The first younger girl I went out with was about a year and a half ago, She was21. I had known her for about a year when she asked me to take her to lunch. Perfect!!! We went out a few times, we got along fine but the chemistry just wasn't there.

The next was a fantastic girl who was 26. We got along extremely well. Feelings grew mutually, we spent alot of time together. Things were going great untill she started being pressured by her parents as to where she was spending her time, who she was seing, and why they hadn't met him. Knowing that they would not approve of me, we ended our relationship.

The biggest problem I'm having is. I meet them and can start up a conversation very easily. Before long, things are going well. When things start getting to the point of asking them out, that's where the mixed signals start. I get apprehensive wondering if they're not comfortable with the age difference, or maybe I'm reading too deep into what they are saying. I usually pay close attention to eye contact and body language. However, being that I usually meet them in the place that they work, and I am either a customer or it's a place I go with my job,I don't want to cause an uncomfortable feeling for either of us, being I go there regularly.

What it all comes down to is I am one who thinks things out before I act. I wonder if I just think too much.......

Any insight would be appreciated.

TJMorgan TJMorgan
46-50, M
7 Responses Mar 14, 2010

Not specific, but much more applicable.<br />
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Item 2. Being you're not a man in the dating world, I'll just say that you have no idea what's out there.<br />
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As for the drama, that's a big part of the character assessment in the beginning. However, I'll stick to my statement being they have less circumstances that can lead to drama.<br />
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Example: They don't have the grandsons baby mommas new boyfriend causing problems with her son and his new girlfriends kid.. or it's baby daddy.. Get what I'm saying. All that crap doesn't fly with me! It seems that more and more of this sort of stuff is going on. It's in all classes of wealth, so it's not an issue of "what sort of women are you dating".<br />
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"how rapidly they become the woman you're unattracted to" That doesn't make sense to me. Knowing how I am, their ability to reason rather than argue would improve. With that, it will flow into other phases of their life in a positive manner.<br />
If you're speaking of sex,,, Have a look around. There's plenty of that going on. If she finds herself pregnant, she wont find that I have one or two others in the same situation.<br />
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Granted, there are those who will take advantage. BOTH men and women. First of all, that's not me.<br />
Second, that can and does happen no matter what the age range.<br />
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These relationships do require more effort than the conventional counterpart, but the happiness that I've seen others achieve seems well worth it.<br />
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Oh the "daddy issues"... A famous last line of defense when all else fails. <br />
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I'm sorry you had a bad experience, but as for the girls I've dated, I heard the same things, time after time. "Guys my age don't do this. Guys my age seem to think that I should drive them around and pay their way. Guys my age don't know how to treat a woman".<br />
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I could go on and on with that, but once the "Daddy issues" card is thrown, it seems that logic nor anything else matters...

Response to jjia25<br />
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They sometimes think that or Sugar Baby. I realize things are different from state to state, but where I'm from, age of consent is 16. No, I wouldn't date anyone THAT young, but with that being said, dating someone in their 20's is far from **********. <br />
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As far as settling down. Yes, that is where I am at in life. That is what I'm looking for.<br />
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I don't see any reason why I couldn't marry someone younger. The issue of my life expectancy is a gray area. Yes, in ideal terms, she would out live me. Yet in reality, it's all a gamble! Just a couple of weeks ago we had a snow storm, and a 23 year old girl was killed in an auto accident. <br />
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I don't mean to sound morbid, but the reaper uses no age restrictions. When it's our time, it's our time. Accidents, cancer,, any number of things. Young and old, it happens.<br />
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But seriously though, I still have some dreams yet to fulfill, but I've already done pretty much everything I've wanted to do. I would love to find someone that we fall in love, and I devote the rest of my life to helping her fulfill her dreams.<br />
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From what I said above in my list. To see that sparkle in her eyes when her dreams become a reality, to me, THAT'S what it's all about!<br />
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I understand what you say about the daughter thing. That does make sense. But as for me, I don't have any kids.<br />
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TJ

I like how your response on why you date younger women. Most people, when they think of younger women dating older men, they think the men are pedophiles. I know in your case that is not true. I know that plenty of girls just prefer older men, or have an older man crush. They don't have to be Sugar Daddies. Older men are insightful; women won't be bored as easily and there is definitely more stuff to talk about. <br />
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I guess my question is, do you ever plan on settling down? The women you date might feel too young to consider marriage, or think that because you are older, they can't marry you anyway. Also, you were to marry a younger woman, there is the question of how long you two will be together, since you have a shorter time to live than her (it's true). <br />
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The only part I would find creepy about the older man dating a younger girl situation is if he had a daughter, and he was dating a girl around his daughter's age. But that's about it.

I really agree with your reasons on this

"I have a question for you: What is it that older men like about younger girls? What attracts you guys? "<br />
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All I can do is speak for myself. <br />
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For me it's a variety of things. First off I'd have to say I like their attitudes and energy. More often than not, a younger girl hasn't been through many of the things that can make people bitter.<br />
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Also, the sex is more intense! I've been asked,"wouldn't you rather have someone with experience"? My thought is that sometimes learning can be far more exciting than once it's been done a few times. Being the "teacher" in some cases, it is very satisfying. In addition, role-play and fantasy with someone younger has it's way of fantasy becoming reality, for both! <br />
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I also like the fact that with myself being older, I can help them experience things they otherwise may not be able to. Help them in decision making. I'm not one who will try and control someone's life, but with a few extra years of experience, there are times when I see a disaster coming from a mile away, where with their youth, they cannot! In addition, with their younger outlook and perspective on life, they also can teach me a thing or two. Things that I fail to see, and they make me aware of. As we age, we tend to follow a certain train of thought, and stay with it. Then, when someone with a view so far from the norm comes along and says "hey, what do you think of this"? It's pretty cool! Helps keep me young... I'm not saying there wont be some head butting here and there, but all in all, It's what I prefer.<br />
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Or, simply put.<br />
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Younger:<br />
1. I find them more attractive.<br />
2.I like their smell. Hair, perfume, etc.<br />
3. I like their smooth firm skin.<br />
4. I like the sparkle in their eyes<br />
5. I like the way they dress.<br />
6. I like their willingness to try various hair styles.<br />
7. More appreciative.<br />
8. Stronger sex drive.<br />
9. Usually they are more open minded about sex.<br />
10. Sex isn't restricted to an "in the bedroom only" situation. <br />
11. More aggressive.<br />
12. Not set in their ways.<br />
13. They are more apt to act silly and playful.<br />
14. More willing to do things spontaneously. <br />
15. I like to see their excitement when they experience something new.<br />
16. They are more willing to ask for help rather than struggle through something alone.<br />
17. They are more apt to talk about something that is bothering them rather than keep it inside and allow it to cause problems in the relationship.<br />
18. Less drama. I.e. Usually someone younger has no ex husband /husbands, ex boyfriends that try and run their lives, if they do, that's easy enough to get rid of. Then there <br />
are the bosses who they allow to run their lives. There isn't the kids bf's or gf's, kids ex wives or husbands, baby mommas or baby daddys, grand kids, grand kids <br />
baby daddy or momma, grand kids bf's or gf's or ex's,,,,,,, And so on. I think you get the point! <br />
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I hope this answers your questions. Feel free to contact me if you'd like to chat.<br />
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TJM.

I have a question for you: What is it that older men like about younger girls? What attracts you guys?

I would imagine that a young woman would feel a little intimidated by an older man - not all, but some. You'll find the right one if you persevere. I had an affair with a man of 49 when I was 26. His age didn't bother me at all but it was never going to be anything more than fun and games as he was married and so was I. I learned a lot from him and will never forget what we had together. Age really doesn't matter when it comes to love, but it matters more to those outside the relationship - the girl's parents and so on. It just depends on whether you are both able to live with those prejudices and often being mistaken for her father when you are out together and so on. That can hurt and can affect your confidence over time. But for temporary fun and a few dates or an affair - it can be fun and worthwhile, but for anything more I think both parties have to have a lot of strength and determination.