Antegrade Devolution

I have always postulated that to question your sanity is proof that you are sane.  Though I have always questioned my sanity, but I have never doubted it. During the last year, I find myself doubting my sanity with increasing frequency.

As I have become more attuned with my emotions and the emotions of others, I have increasingly become detached from the world in which I am enveloped. In the past, I was not capable of conversing with anyone whom I perceived to lack profundity. I tired of the vacuity that appeared to pervade the minds of my so-called peers. The only pursuits worth pursuing were intellectual in nature, pondering the genesis and purposes of existence, thermodynamics, quantum physics, theoretical mathematics including chaos theory, game theory and a mélange of different disciplines.

But, somewhere along the way, I learned to empathize with people. While doing so, I learned to understand the true benchmark for intelligence. The method of intelligence measurement is based on a false supposition that results in the asking of an incorrect question: “How smart are you?” The correct question that should be asked is; “How are you smart.” Once I learned to ask the correct question, I found intelligence in places I have never thought of looking.  Through empathy, I learned to unify the heart and the mind so that for the first time, I am almost a complete human being.

During the past few years I have been fascinated with, and have thoroughly explored the concept of holographic self-reflection and how it relates to our existence. I have started studying fractal geometry and the work of the late Benoit Mandelbrot. The more I worked with the equations; their ramifications had a radical and profound effect on my views regarding nature, the nature of nature and our place in nature. Sure, my worldview is still based on the principles of thermodynamics, primarily the law of entropy, however, through fractal geometry, there is proof that there is order to everything.
When I look at trees, I no longer see roots, a trunk, boughs, branches, twigs and leaves. I see a self-reflecting pattern where the shape, size and distribution of the leaves reflect the shape, size and distribution of the twigs, which reflect the shape size and distribution of the branches, which reflect the shape, size and distribution of the boughs, which reflect the shape, and size of the trunk, which is reflected in the shape, size and distribution of the roots, which is reflected the shape, size and distribution of all of the trees in the forest.

I see these self-replicated patterns in everything natural. Mountains, valleys, streams, clouds and blades of grass. I especially see how the world as we perceive it, is a projection of ourselves reflected back at us. The more I see this, the more disconnected I become from the artificial world we have created for ourselves, and more connected I have become with the natural world from which we came. The best way I can describe it is that it is like at the end of the Matrix when Neo stopped seeing the world around him as an artificial construct, and saw the code from which everything was made.
So, tell me, am I crazy?
TheLovingDominant TheLovingDominant 36-40, M Aug 11, 2012

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