Beautiful MonsterHe was not a monster in figure. He was a human in appearance. His eyes were shades of green and silver. He is so strong that he conquered my strength.
I was weak.
I screamed as loud as I can. But the place where I am in seems it doesn’t exist. I wanted to fight against this creature. But it was too late. He reached his lips to mine and fire was there. He kissed me gently and I forgot reality for a moment.
He looked into my eyes. The color of his eyes changed from green and silver to pure hazel brown. He ran away leaving an innocent smile to me.
I cannot move my body or even open my mouth to speak. A blazing fire was controlling me. I wiped my mouth and traces of blood where there in the back of my hand. I was tricked and bitten.
Pain and Anger. I can feel it but I cannot see it. My life changed. I could not save myself.
All the streetlamps are off.
I sit on the bench near the bus stop. I checked my watch. It is not working anymore. I don’t have any idea what time it was. I stayed for a few minutes.
I checked my purse and found 28 dollars and a few cents in it. My Irish-cream Italian dress has stains of blood and dirt. The back of my hand has a brownish red dirt. I think it is blood. Dried blood.
The memory that happened last night was still fresh on my mind. I wonder where that man could be. Who was he? Why did he kiss me? Why can’t I feel my heart beating again?
After that kiss, I don’t know what happened next. I wake up already sitting here at the bench. The sunrise is already coming. A new hope for everyone. Another day to deal with.
I got up and start walking the streets. Some stores are preparing to open. An old lady is sweeping the grounds. A boy riding the bicycle starts to deliver newspaper in every house. I try to go nearer with the old lady but she dropped her broomstick and head away through the door of her house.
Is she afraid of me? I turned away knowing the old lady is afraid of my appearance. I continue walking the streets and found a coffee shop already open.
I open the door and moved in the coffee shop. There were no customers yet and I may be the first one to enter here today. When the cashier saw me, she was quite shocked with my appearance. All ripped out with stains of blood and dirt. She quickly let me out of the shop. I was frustrated with the people are going on around me. I feel hopeless.
I can’t remember my name. I can’t remember where I live. The kiss was so powerful that all of my memories have been erased from my mind. I felt like I’m a stranger. A danger to everybody.
I was not paying attention on what direction I’m heading to. My mind was completely blank. I feel lonely. No one knows me.
Suddenly, my attention got hooked up into something. An old man, might be in his 60’s, was sitting in the corner. I wanted to approach this man but I am afraid I might be neglected again. But, I can’t hold on. The man is so lonely.
I move towards him and already found his eyes locked up to mine. He seems he is not scared of me.
“A lovely sunshine to you, dear lady.” said the old
A thump of happiness flowed through my veins. He welcomed me into his shoes.
“Thank you, stranger.” I greeted him back. I called him a stranger for I don’t know his name. “You must be cold, take my blanket. A prize for a new friend.” The old man replied.
Without hesitation, I heartily moved toward and sat beside him in the corner of a junk shop. This old man has nothing yet he offered his only piece to a stranger, like me. I spent my whole morning with the old man. We talked about life, how it is fair and unfair. It made me realize that in this cruel and kind world, there are still angels left, like this old man.
I offered 10 dollars to the old man. The old man was hesitating to receive it but I insisted him. I left the old man with a kiss on his forehead. He smiled and said, “Dear child, you have made me happy. Now I can rest and sleep forever.” In return, I smile at him and left. I walked along the street and turned right.
Hello, afternoon. I said to myself. I found an empty sit in the park. I rushed into the park since no one was there. No one will get to see me. No one will judge me.
I emptied my mind for a moment. Thinking what I am now. I looked into the palms of my hand. There were traces of sadness. I need someone to hold my hand. I reached for my face and examined what I feel. Plumps of fresh dirt were there. I examined the park, searching for a water to wash my face. No water.
Suddenly, a little girl was running ahead towards the east side of the park. She was bringing a doll and she is happy. The smile on her face is visible. An idea entered into my mind. Why not approached the girl and talk to her since no one is with her?
I started to move my feet and walked towards her. She quickly glanced and recognized my presence that I am approaching her. She was beautiful. She was smiling and I like it. It seems that she is happy seeing me.
“Who are you?” the little girl asked. “I have no name.” I answered her. She looked at me intently. “How can you have not own a name? You are a human. A woman, like me when I grow up!” she exclaimed. This little creature made me smile and let me feel that I am not different with the others. That I belong to her world. That I have known her long before.
“Cassadia, is my name. Can I call you Pansy?” she said. “What is a Pansy? It sounds foreign to me.” I said. “Pansy is a name of a violet flower. You look like one. You’re sad and not happy at all. But if you will smile and let your happiness flow, I can call you Gaillardia.” She explained. “Gaillardia. What is that?” I asked again. “A blanket flower or sundance. I want to have one in my garden but I only get to see them in pictures. When my father is back from Romania, he always gave me pictures of Gaillardia.” She said happily.
My conversation with the little girl was priceless. I got to know more things about how simple life is and how you can enjoy it. The little girl made me realize life is wonderful. Life is beautiful. Life is like a fresh air.
Sunset is already visible in the woods nearby the park and I can sense that it is time to say goodbye to the little girl. He touched my hand and said, “It is nice meeting you. I hope we could see each other again. I have never seen a lady so beautiful just like you. Goodbye and enjoy the rest of the evening.” She got up and raised her hand to reach for her doll beside me and ran away.
Run away, little innocent one. I said.
I spent the whole evening closing my eyes and remembering what happened earlier. The old man and the little girl. I laugh loudly and hear my own voice echoed through the grounds of the park. I was not sleeping, I was dreaming. Funny how I made myself ridiculous. This is life. This is happiness. This is love.
Thump! Thump! Thump!
There was pain in my left chest. I can’t breathe normally. It was painful to breathe. The air going inside into my lungs were like glass brittles, ripping my lungs. I reached for my left chest. Is this the effect of the kiss? Am I going to die? Am I not going to see Cassadia again?
The morning air welcomed me with pain. The park was still deserted. The park was different than yesterday. The surroundings were filled with love and joy yesterday but today sadness was embracing me, again. It seems that there are pansies around the park and gaillardia is not visible. I wished Cassadia would come again to see me and fill this whole area with love and joy.
The sound made me jump out of my sit. The pain was there again. Pain, leave me alone! I shouted inside of my head. Where is love and joy?
I coughed and spit some blood in the ground. Blood. Blood. Blood was there. My end is near. I am going to die, today or tomorrow. Later or now. The color of my skin turned to yellowish tan. My thumbnails are starting to appear shades of blue or violet. My vision starts to blur. I am fainting.
Suddenly, I hear loud footsteps coming towards me. I looked around and saw Cassadia. I was delighted for a moment. I coughed again and more blood were spilling out from my mouth. I saw Cassadia was running towards me, even faster.
“What is wrong with you?” she exclaimed. She held my hand and examined my pale face. She was worried and sad. I don’t want to see her like this. I don’t want her to feel sadness. Sadness is very cruel.
“I am fine.” I lied.
“No! You are not. We must see a doctor to help you.” She said. By the tone on her voice, I can feel she is very concern and worried about me.
“Listen, Cassadia. I am about to die and I don’t want you to see me like this for the last time. Go and play.” I said, hurting myself. The truth is, I needed her presence so much. I want her to sit beside me. Watched me slowly fading away, leaving her my last smile.
I already know that after the creature kiss me, everything will be changed. I am a victim of nowhere. I am hopeless. I am just a common woman looking for love. Searching through the depths of sadness and happiness.
Cassadia, was my happiness. The old man was my love. The creature was my misery. And I am the monster.
I coughed and glance to Cassadia. “I thought I was Gaillardia.” I said. “You are sad and in need of help. Do not worry I am here.” Cassadia said.
I smile at her, a very significant response to her. She smiled back. I glance up in the sky. The weather was fine. A very perfect day to rest.
“Gaillardia?” she said. “I thought I was a Pansy.” I answered. “Yes, you are. You are both. You are happy and sad at the same time. Are you going to sleep forever? Are you going to leave me? Are you going there?” She pointed out her finger upward. “Yes. Now is the time.”
I wanted to cry but I can’t. I don’t want to see Cassadia that I am weak as a feather. She has just been with me for one day yet she feels so close to me like we have known each other for a long time. I am lucky to meet Cassadia. I am very fortunate to have her as my friend.
I am starting to close my eyes. Cassadia also started to sing me a song. Her voice was so beautiful. I almost faint with the beauty of her voice. She held my hand tighter.
“Gaillardia, your eyes.” Cassadia said. “What is wrong with my eyes?” I asked her. “They are green and silver.” She said. Green and silver, reminds me of him. That man, who kissed me and made my last days terrible and made me suffer this pain.
“Green and silver. Beautiful.” I said calmly. “You are like a monster but a beautiful monster.” She said. Yes, I am a beautiful monster. Not in appearance. For I see the true beauty of love, happiness and life. The importance of friendship, equality and acceptance. Respect and…
“Gaillardia? Are you still awake?” Cassadia asked. I freely accepted death. If this really is my destiny, I will accept it. Thank you for the creature who kissed me. Thank you for the old man, for the morning, afternoon and evening. Thank you to Cassadia for being with me in the expedition of life. And to anyone else here in the world.
“Yes.” Was my last word.
sharpers 16-17, F 0 Dec 2, 2012