Haunted house. . . .
"Are you going to wind up Mr Jones in math class again Billy?"
Billy was the prankster kid in class, and he was good at it. Mr Jones had been trying to teach them algebra but the whole class had been having more fun with Billy's stupid answers, because Mr Jones got so wound up he looked like he would explode.
"I will teach you!" He would say in his crazy Welsh accent "I will teach you, if it's the last thing I do!"
Me Jones was a slim, old man. He must be close to retirement. His skin was dry and wrinkled, his features were sunken, and his teeth a bit wonky and stained. He had these huge eyebrows, that peaked like two baseball caps over his large glasses. His hair was wild, like that Einsien picture, and light grey, but it was his accent, and the way he got so frustrated at wrong answers that was the craziest thing.
As they walked into class, billy saw the letter A B C written on the board. He nudged Joe and whispered to him. Billy noticed the wet patch on Mr Jones pants, and whispered to Anna. He noticed Mr Jones sandwiches on his desk, and whispered to Danny. The class poured into the room and took their usual seats.
"Today class" began Mr Jones "Today, I will teach you algebra!"
"We did that last week" called out Billy. Mr Jones head and right eye twitched slightly.
"And the week before" added Sammie from the back of class". Mr Jones twitched again.
"Yes" started Mr Jones "but you lot didn't understand it. So we will do it again this week. I will teach you, if it's the last thing I do!"
Mr Jones started to explain the triangle of letters on the board.
"Er, excuse me Jonsey" interrupted Joe. Mr Jones had already told the class several times not to call him 'Jonsey'. "Yes Joey" he replied through sarcastic, gritted, yellowing teeth.
"My name isn't Joey, Joey is over there!"
"And my name isn't Jonsey, it's Mr Jones. What was your question?"
Joe paused for a while, and looked thoughtfully at the ceiling. "I've forgotten now"
Mr Jones twitched again, sighed, and turned back to the board.
"Oh, I remember" Said Joe "I thought this was math class, not spelling!"
The class giggled and sniggered quietly. Mr Jones right shoulder twitched as he slowly turned back to the class. "If you will listen, I will teach you. Algebra IS mathematics, but with letters"
"Jonsey" started Anna "it's Mr Jones, Annie" he replied "my name isn't Annie, it's Anna." Mr Jones twitched again, and he tried, discretely to take one of his angina tablets. "Have you peed your pants, Jonsey?" The class exploded with laughter.
"Shut up, all of you" Mr Jones snapped, going red in the face. He started to mumble something about the taps in the staff toilet, but ended with "it doesn't matteranyway. It's irrelevant"
He went back to the board, back to his explanation. After a short while.
"Hey, Jonsey" called out Danny "what have you got in your sandwiches? Alphabetti spaghetti?"
Me Jones spun round quickly and growled through gritted teeth "do any of you have a serious question?" Lisa stood up "please sir, she said sweetly, rocking slightly on her heels and fluttering her eyelashes. She had purposely unfastened two more buttons on her blouse for this one. "Do you think my big boobies make me look easy?"
"Sit down and behave" snapped Mr Jones "I will teach you"
He carried on with his explanation, fumbling with his angina pills again. After a while, he turned back to the class and asked if anyone knew the answer?
"Fifteen" called out Billy. "No thirty five" called another voice. And as the class descended into what sounded like a game of bingo, the colour drained from Mr Jones face, as he sat down heavily in his chair.
"Billy" he called out "I will teach you, if it's the last"
Then he slumped lifeless in the chair. Dead.
Heellover Heellover
36-40, M
Aug 23, 2014