Five Stars On Yelp, Part One

I'd had high hopes that I'd be watching GV on cam recently, but it was not to be. In fact, he has been incommunicado the past five days, which bewilders and hurts me.  I have consulted my gentlemen advisers about this situation, and have received many different answers, ranging from "he needs space" to "he is working things out but will return shortly" to "he is a turd and I will beat him up for you."  I think he obviously needs space.  I hope he is working things out.  I do not know if he will return, ever, let alone shortly.  And I do not think he is a turd, but he is unkind to leave without a word.  And I do not want anyone to beat him up.  I shall use my little red riding crop on his butt cheeks, though.  Such acts must be punished.

Love affairs conducted on the interwebs are complex things, particularly when both parties are married persons.  Married to others, I mean.  It would be so simple if he and I were mates.  We could chat and cam and tumbl and watch **** and control each others' vibrators long distance via smartie phone with ease.  But though I have a hall pass, he does not, so...complex things, as I said.

Nature abhors a vacuum, though.  And so it was that when my depraved German lover S and I were chatting last night, I wound up watching him on cam.  He still has never seen my face.  Or my breasts.  Or my little finger, for that matter.

But he has heard my voice, and we have chatted almost every day, sometimes just briefly.  I baked him cookies and shipped them to him.  I picked some California poppies from a highway roadside and mailed him a card wishing him a happy day.  I ordered strawberries sent to his hotel room.  It makes me happy to do these things even though I have refused his numerous offers to meet me for tea.  Some day, I will have a cup with him.  And if GV has left my life permanently, perhaps I will have more with S.  I do not intend to be alone.  I enjoy having a companion to share my life.
I still hold some hope that GV will be the one.  But as each day goes by, that dream dies a bit more.  His silence speaks volumes.

Most of my days begin with a look at gmail.  There is almost always a hello from S.  He gets up early to get the kids to school and then goes to his office.  He is the boss, so he can play online if he likes.  When he goes home at night, he might chat for a bit, but he mostly spends time with the children and his wife.  He travels a lot, though, so we often chat in the evening when he's out of town.  S and I were chatting last night while he was at a bar, me on my laptop in my kitchen, him on his smartie phone.  Then he was in his hotel room and he asked for my eyes.  Well, he didn't phrase it like that.  That is how GV phrases it.  Telling you now about that, I feel a sharp pain in my chest.  Heartache is real, you know.  It stinks.

Anyhoo.  S wrote me:

S:  sweet thing, turn on your cam, i will make it worth your while
me: Oh, S, I can't.
I'm not alone.
S: I will be quiet
me: Give me a sec
S: I’ll put on a good show
me: I'm sure you will!
I wish I could talk to you
but dau will overhear me
My cam lens is covered, you understand...
S: with tape?  okay
just accept my cam session

What followed was a lovely hour and thirteen minutes of interaction between two depraved people.  I did not touch myself, not even one little bit, because quite honestly I have lost interest.  I have not *** since the last time I heard from GV.  I have tried to summon up some enthusiasm, but when one's heart is aching this much, one's libido is in the dumps.

But S touched himself.  A lot.  In very interesting ways.  And he made me laugh, which is a good thing.  And I appreciated his efforts. He pulled out all the stops.  So today, when we were talking on the phone, I thanked him again for his performance.  I told him I'd gone to Yelp and rated it.  Five stars.

He laughed delightedly.  I did not tell him I'd stolen that joke from someone else who had given me a similar rating for my sex chat.  I suppose I should disclose it to him at some point.  I do not want to take credit for witticisms that others originate.  Still, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and it does not matter if the joke is original or not.  It matters that I took the time to make it, and I made him feel appreciated.  We all need to hear from others that we matter, that the things we do bring joy, and that we are loved.

**Dear Reader, I will give you the juicy details of his cam session in part two.  I just wanted to have a little pity party for myself in this first part.  Thank you for indulging me. ~ M

milkynips milkynips
46-50, F
1 Response Sep 19, 2012

Milky I believe it is painful feeling that your hopes might not be fulfilled. But believe me it is much better not to have the person we desire at all than to have him and loose him again.

Btw. have not seen your mother mentioned in any of your recent stories ...

You? Are a real smartass. :-D

I'll write something about mum soon, just for you. In the meantime, though, I am trying to be a good mum myself, taking care of my chicks.

As for what is better...I believe it is much better to HAVE the person we desire. Period.

now that smartass - was insult or compliment? I have experienced both cases myself and for me the having and loosing one was worse.

However I keep my fingers crossed (and may even throw in additional prayer from time to time) that your dream/desire/need (or what is the correct word) of being together with GV come true.

"Smartass" was teasing. That's all.

Thank you for the fingers and the prayers. I am doing a bunch of that myself as well.