***** Poker For Actual Poker Players (kellie's Method)

***** Poker is fun! We all know that. People getting naked! Fun fun fun!

But for most people, ***** poker is just an excuse for getting naked, right?

Well, you’ll have much more fun, and you’ll still have naked people if your game is constructed in such a way as to make it last longer, rather than shorter. A longer game is more dramatic and more suspenseful. It’s more fun. And if you’re an actual poker player that appreciates the game, ***** or otherwise, you’ll appreciate it that much more.

Anyone that actually plays poker understands that there's a conflict between the idea playing ***** Poker, and the way poker is actually played. The problem is that poker, as it's actually played, is a series of MANY small wagers, even during a single hand. There are bets, calls, raises and folds. Lots of them. And the problem is that unless it's going to be a very quick trip to Nakedville, in order to accommodate MANY small wagers, you'd have to wear MANY separate pieces of clothing. That’s just not practical.

So ... for the actual poker player that wants to wager their clothes, what do you do? Here is Kellie's method:

1. First, understand that the general setting is one of a tournament. In a tournament, each player begins with an equal number of chips, and the game ends when one player has all of those chips, and everyone else has nothing. Same with the ***** poker variation. Each player starts with equal assets, and the game ends when one person prevails, fully clothed, and everyone else is naked.
2. Each player has equal assets. That means each player has the same number of garments that will be removed one-at-a-time as they continue to wager and lose. The most practical set-up is that each player has eight items of clothing. Each player has, from the feet up, two shoes, two socks, pants or skirt, shirt or blouse, under pants, and bra. Not every one dresses the same, so you make adjustments as needed for each player in order to have the same number of items. For instance, guys don’t have bras, so guys can have a t-shirt, and another shirt. Or if a girl is braless, she can use earrings to substitute. Whatever. The main idea is that everyone has the same number of items.
3. Just like any tournament, each player begins with a stack of chips, and they bet those chips just as they would in any typical tournament setting. And like a tournament, the chips are given a symbolic monetary value, for example, white chips are worth a dollar, red chips are worth five dollars, and blue chips are worth ten dollars. Each player starts with the same amount of symbolic “money.”
4. Each item of clothing has a “dollar” value. Each player starts with a number of dollar/chips that is a multiple divisible by the number of clothing items. For instance, with eight clothing items per player, a good place to start is that each player has 160 “dollars” worth of chips. That way each piece of clothing is worth $20.
5. As a player’s wagers equal the dollar value of an item of clothing, an item of clothes must be removed. That means as you wager, if your stack of chips dips below one of those multiples of clothing value, something has to come off. Clothes come off AS YOU WAGER, not just at the showdown of each hand. If you win that hand, you can put the clothes you removed in that hand back on. If you lose or fold, those clothes stay off (unless you can recover them in subsequent hands).
6. Winning allows you to recover clothing. As your stack of chips shrinks and grows, your clothes come off and go back on accordingly.
7. As players finally bust out, and remove the last item of clothing, they must remain there at the table, naked, until finally, only one person has all of the chips, all of their clothes, and everyone else is naked.

Try to play around a low table, like a coffee table. A regular table is much less awkward for playing poker, but a low table is much better for looking at people being forced to sit there naked as the game continues.

An optional rule: At the end of the game, the fully clothed winner must then do a hootchie cootchie ***** tease for all of the losers.
KellieVocabulary KellieVocabulary
26-30, F
11 Responses Sep 15, 2012

Each item of clothing could have different dollar values. eg. A shoe might be worth $5, shirt $10, jeans $15, bra/t shirt $20 and knickers/shorts $50... or whatever :)

Well, you do have this all perfectly figured...

Like you said, the many small wagers makes this a much better way to play. But since your game is Texas holdem, how does "all in" work when a person who loses all the money loses all clothes as well? In general, what consists a small wager depends on the group of people playing I'd say.

I'm like you by the way, if I play, I play to win, and I prefer opponents who play to win too. If a girl plays to lose it would take away some of the excitement of getting them nekkid. :-)

Have always wanted to play ***** poker, but never found any willing participants.

Love it when do we play?

Sounds like you have thought about this a lot. When is your next game? lol

The main reason I 've thought about it is because I actually play poker. Im not sure when I'll next be able to make my victims ***** for me. Hee hee hee!

Ante up, I'm in. What's your game?

Hold 'em.

me too

It's really the best game, isn't it?

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Sounds great fun! Only trouble is I'm hopeless at cards (I had difficulty getting the hang of Happy Families) and I can never remember any of the hands. But if you don't mind a little French girl naked and shivering at your table, I'd love to join in! ;-)

**considers just throwing the cards away and simply getting naked with Beth and Lana**

Hmm . . . yes, would certainly make life simpler (and leave us with more playtime!) Sorry Kellie, I've gone rambling off topic and spoiled your story. I will do my best to learn to play poker with you and not lose all my clothes within the first five minutes! xx

Beth, just your mere presence improves anything I might write! xxxx

What's the prize for winning ***** poker? In traditional poker, who wants to go broke? In ***** poker, there are too many that want to get broke as fast as possible, or don't care for second about going broke. Sorry. I am a poker player.

Meh. There is already a second story in the group that exemplifies what I am trying to say. The person said, "i like to play ***** poker and to lose as quickly as possible." There needs to be some kind of consequence for the loser.

Ohhhhh, maybe I need to lighten up. It's Monday. Have a good one, all.

In ***** Poker, like any poker, I want to play with people who want to beat me, and want to beat them. Having clothes be the currency wagered doesn't change that. It just makes the outcome more interesting. **giggles**

I'm the same. It can be penny poker, dollar poker, or big stakes. I don't care. It's about the winning, not the prize.

I have to say that of the few times I played ***** poker, using the above method (or something similar to it, not just pretending to play and getting naked), each time I prevailed. And it was supremely pleasurable to make those other players ***** for ME! (I did, however, also get naked ... I also know a good time when I see it, too!)

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Hi Kellie,

Thanks for sharing! Although most of the people I hang out with are nude most of the time, this sounds like a fun game for a clothing optional party to get the clothes off those who who opt for clothing on. I'm going to print the rules and make copies so we can all be sure how to play your version of ***** Poker!


PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE keep us updated as to the outcome, Nudi !!!! xxx

Well of course cause you are undoubtedly the ringleader, and need to be taught a lesson lol and are you sure we cant beat on some fellas lol

You'll have to learn the hard way! :P

Why will i have to learn the hard way lol???

'Cause it'll take less time that way for me to get you nakey! Sink or swim, Baby! :P

Well if u want me naked just ask hehe..... maybe i want you to see me nakey lol c(-:

So much for the premise of this story! **throws the cards away and gets nakey with Amy** :P

Hehehe..... well hold on hold on. Dont kill the romance. Lets go slow and build up to the awesomeness lol

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Hahahaha you have given this alot of thought lol

Well, I play poker. You know ... for actual money. So when people talk about ***** poker, I automatically think of it in terms of poker, not just in terms of getting naked and hanky panky. I've actually played ***** poker this way a few times. It's A LOT of fun!

Ahhhh i see lol never played. Only card game i know is gin rumy lol

No actual experience? I want YOU in my next game! :P

Hows about i put on my little cop outfit, and ill bust up into your next game and arrest all the bad girls and beat the men to bloody pulps lol

Let's make it a ladies-only game, and we can skip the violence and get right to arresting the bad girls! Are you gonna frisk me, and put me in handcuffs? (hope hope hope)

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