Hold Me

I’m tired of being the strong one, just once I want to give in, I want to be held when I’m hurting, I want to be able to sink into someone’s strong arms, be protected, comforted, loved but I find it hard to give in to my pain when others are around… I shrug off my feelings of despair, pain, loneliness or heartache as trivial to those around me, saying ‘I’m fine’ when inside, inside I am crumbling, shattering, breaking apart… I hold myself together on the outside, when really I feel like a puff of wind will send me scattered on the breeze, never to be put together again…. I want to be held and told that everything will be alright, to cling to someone else’s strength but I don’t.

I struggle on, on my own, giving a shoulder to anyone who needs it, a hug, hopefully a kind word or deed, to show I care, that I am there for them, but I can’t give in myself, to show them what I need, because I am afraid; I’m afraid if I show them my weaknesses that they will use them against me, or worse, be repelled by my neediness, my weaknesses my fears.  So I keep it all inside, I present the image I have cultivated, of being strong, confident, self-assured, self-reliant, of being fine, but really, all I want is to be held, safe and cherished in the arms of someone who cares

lostlittlefirefly lostlittlefirefly
36-40, F
2 Responses May 21, 2012

I know how you feel. My sister recently told me that I never let things get to me. but that is not true the world gets to me. take baby steps til you gain the strength to get what you want.

thank you Saddenwolf, your so right, my best friend said something similar to me as well... which is when I started to try and change.... its hard but i think i'm getting there. thank you for reading and for sharing, ;-)

best of luck :)

i've done this most of my life, in one way or another. a word to the wise......STOP! <br />
let people see that you need them. they will not see you as weak. take those hugs where you can find them, they are the balm of life.<br />
xx

Thank you my friend, I know your right, it actually takes more strength to let others in... I know know that and I try, I'm getting better, even though I know it wont be a quick fix, I am getting better, but sometimes i return to default mode.... putting my walls back up to keep me safe, thank you for sharing, xx

i know it's hard. i still find it impossible to do. but that doesn't stop me from knowing that what i'm doing is wrong. best of luck :)