I Don't Hurt Much, But...

Nowadays, I am pretty happy and I don't have too many days when I am hurting, emotionally. But, I think it would be nice to be held on those bad days. I have been held once, in my whole life, when I was in emotional distress. It was a few months, after my rape, almost eight years ago... I was so broken and hurting so bad. I was screaming in anger and saying how I wasn't worth anything and talking about death! My mother responded to me with anger... my sister with helpless shock... but my oldest brother, he realized that I was really hurting then.

He grabbed me into his arms, and I was still fighting and yelling, "Get away from me! Don't touch me!" But he just wouldn't let go. I just broke into tears and he said, "It's okay. We're going to get through this." I'll remember this forever. It was the start of my anger, at least, calming down. I still had years of depression and suicidal moments... but that one hug, it was enough to stop my angry burst. I no longer threw things at the walls or starting screaming in anger or snapping at my family. Just from that one hug alone.

So, I can only imagine how better I would be, if I had someone to hold me, on my now mildly stressful or bad days. :-)

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2 Responses Mar 15, 2009

I am sorry for what you have been through. I know you don't know me. If I could I would hug you until you were ok again. I think it is a said thing that all your family couldn't respond the same way your brother did. I would like to think I would respond the same for my Lil Sis. My prayers and Hugs are with you.

I am sending you lots of hugs and prayers.