Advice For A Son

I hope you don't mind if I ask for a little advice here. But this seems like a great place to learn.

I am a mid 30's mom, living in the south, married to a southern rugged red-neck, deer hunting type of guy who travels for his profession.

Our son, a 12 year old who is quite sensitive and emotional, is sneaking my lingerie, mainly my underwear. I have no idea what he's doing with my underwear but based upon what I've been reading I suspect he is wearing them.

He's always been slightly effeminate which his father had desperately tried to cure and he and I are pretty much inseparable because his father is away from home so often. I've also noticed him watching me closely, the way I walk, when I'm dressing or doing my makeup, etc.

My best friend is a gay guy and I've asked him about my sons interests but my friend says he thinks its probably innocent Pre-pubescent curiosity. My friend is not a cross dresser or an effeminate gay so he says he is not the best person to give advice. I fear speaking to his father as I know he'd react in a harmful way.

I want to allow my son to be himself and express himself in whatever way he wants. But I honestly fear how he may be treated by others and by my husband.

I'm learning so much about boys I never knew and this part honestly breaks my heart. Not for me because I know he will be fine with me protecting him but I don't want my son to be hurt or to suffer if he turns out to be a cross dresser.

I also think I need an education on the differences and definitions of the many labels I see your community self-identify. I'm trying to be a loving and supportive mom. I hope someone can help.
Cute30sMom Cute30sMom
31-35, F
50 Responses Jan 7, 2013

At that age, sexual preferences are not fully developed. Some times not until their early 20s. I wouldn't make a big deal about it.

It is quite normal, boys experiment with things in youth that they're not used to. Maybe talk to your son about it, be understanding it might be innocent.

allow him to express himself

dont try and make it go away

it never does

I'm not a mom yet! But your an amazing woman... im sure you will figure this minor issue out and I'm sure everything will work out!

Thank you

Tried to message but couldn't, I added you to my circle but guess it has to be done by both. Anyway, good luck and keep at it, our kids are our pride

Sorry responded here before reading the final, anyway glad all is working itself out, hang in there. Nothing is more important than family😀

Thx babe.

I agree with the post below. When you talk to him pick your timing well. Just the two of you, husband away, during a relaxed setting. Assure him that this will stay just between the two of you and then most of all just listen and don't react. If anything shocks you, hide it and take time to think before saying anything.

Dear Cute:
I noticed your question through a mutual friend. I'm a 64 year old gender Dysphoric. You are absolutely right there are a number of different manifestations of gender orientations. I'm pretty familiar with them. I was trying to become a female from 3-4 years old and regularly borrowed my mom's clothes. I would be happy to dialog about it, but it's been several months, I don't know if you are still interested. If so freind me and will see what I can share.

I'd be happy and fortunate to do so. Thx

;-)

That is a difficult situation for you and your son. I hope your hubby will learn to accept it.
I used to steal my moms underwear but it was more for the feel and smell of them.

This is a tricky situation for you. Maybe you should talk to him when your husband is away about his feelings. The opportune time is the next time he is noticing you when you dress or do makeup etc. Just ask him if wants to know more about what you are doing and explain how to properly do it as a women. My guess is he would like to dress as a women so if that's the case then you might simply take him shopping and buy him a few things to get started and you both dress while your husband is away. I bet he will be in heaven.

He's young enough to not be rattled by what you say...as long as approach it sensitively. He's old enough to voice what he's doing...long as not make him feel intimidated and lie or tell a white-lie...I am sure from reading your other posts and such...you can be straight forward with him and found out what his thoughts are if just asked him. ...letting it go on longer will make it harder to approach since by then who knows where he will get his information from~ <br />
<br />
There's alot of guys that enjoy wearing knickers/panties...and aren't gay or even bi~ Sounds like he hasn't touched your make-up stuff so...maybe it's just a simple underwear preference sorta deal~

Advice on how to go handle this situation if you haven't yet:

Tell him you notice what he's doing and ask if it's something that he wants people to know about.

Explain how the relationship between families are supposed to work.

Explain to your son about social norms and the importance of reputation.

Explain how a good reputation could help someone and how a bad reputation could hurt someone.

Tell him it is not his fault society hasn't progressed to the level where he would be accepted if he was open about what he liked to do in his personal life and that he is a wonderful and amazing person regardless.

I would let it go for now and just watch him surrupticiously.You may not have to talk to him at all. He may just going through a phase.

Boys can be nearly insatiably curious about girls and things like lingerie. They can be curious without really having cross dressing desires or being transexual or heading towards being TG or Homosexual. The feel of women's clothing and lingerie can be amazing and many women miss out on giving their guys pleasure by NOT stroking them with your stuff. Guys want to understand obvious little things like why there is nearly always something on a girl's panties. They want to understand what a girl feels. Not all of us are just about ******* wherever we find an opening.

I say that because you want to talk to your son. You don't want to assume. You can tell him about the ways it is cool to be a girl but make sure he knows there are ways it is not so much fun being female. He can't understand, but he might learn. Also, you can only talk to him so much. There are things boys just don't want to talk to mom about, but if you have a cool sister or close friend, maybe she can talk to him. It is hard at that age because boys get accused of being pigs and things for wondering about girl things.

I can never remember a time when I did not get a kick out of seeing a girl's panties, or catching a peek up skirt or down blouse. Honestly, it is silly but great fun and pleasure. I like panties, but don't really get off on finding somewhat soiled panties and sniffing them. But I love to touch a woman. I love to feel lingerie on her skin. I love when a woman wears things for me. Please don't read too much into his interest. But be open and willing to talk, as you seem so wisely to be.

Leaving dad out of it is not really possible. The thing you can do best is what you have done here...talk about it...share feelings and ideas. Tell your husband you are concerned in a way that let's your husband step up to the plate and show the admirable qualities you saw in him when you married him. Men may not like or want certain things for their sons (or daughters) but adjust when confronted with the inevitable. Sometimes, we react most negatively to the things about ourselves that we fear. Perhaps you should play with your husbands feminine side. Play with your sexy underwear with him. Play with his **** with it. Tell him he has nice legs and could pull off a skrit better than some of the women you know. (if he could).

Your son may be curious about girl things and be trying to make sense out of how things work. He might or might not be a cross dresser, but if he knows he is safe with you that will enable him to deal with those who would be cruel to him. You can tell him that his dad only wants the best for him and is struggling with the right way to deal with things. Men have a hard time with effeminate sons, much more so than with tomboyish daughters. But, many men have trouble with daughters being b-sexual, lesbian or promiscuous. Imagine the nerve of us, wanting promiscuous girls to play with but denying our daughters the fun.

Give hubby a lot of encouragement and play with his **** and mind as much as you can around now. if you have an open relationship, turn into more of a tease. Make the delights of you being female stronger than ever.

you are a great mum!!! Love you

in my experience, just be supportive and understanding, that will be more important than anything. you should sit and talk about it if you are suspicious of these things. it could be as simple as curiosity, or maybe he is a beginning crossdresser, which yes, will be difficult with his father being the way he is. just show him your love and care, and he'll figure out the rest, I know, not great advice, but you don't want him to feel alone or confused or freakish, that was my fear growing up, but I kept it to myself and dealt with it in my own mind and time, some can't do that, I wish you the best!

Bad news doesn't get better over time. I'm not saying that your son being feminin is bad news; however, your husband might interpret it that way initially. At the same time, if your husband truly loves your son he will accept him for however he wants to project himself to society. I live in the south as well - it couldn't be a worse place to address this. I have also been in places around the world that transgendered/transsexual people are more sociably accepted. After following your posts I have to say I have a profound respect for how you recognize and approach this. I wish you the best of luck and I admire you for embracing your sons curiosity.

So - don't want to repeat anything, which I am bound to. Everyone is what they are. I don't think people are made into other things. I guess he is at the puberty stage now. So there can be all sorts of reasons for what he is doing. Looking at his beautiful mum as an idea of what girls are like. I am sure that I have seen often that practically every male has tried on lingerie at some stage of their life. So that's pretty neutral. As far as becoming interested in girls, then this is probably the most exciting and accessible way to "feeling close" in a sexual way to girls. There is nothing more feminine. If he goes beyond that - and in the direction of cross dressing then that is probably what is in his mix and is not something you can 'really' change him from. Cross-dressing sometimes equates to homosexual. Sometimes they identify more with being and wanting to be female. So homosexuality is not necessarily a part of people who habitually wear female clothing. I think you have to try to work out what his situation is so you can deal with it. It is not easy. Raising it with him will definitely embarrass him. If you were to be accepting of him being a cross dresser and knowing about it that creates a secret between you and your son and underlying tensions with your husband. I am guessing that he would not be so understanding of this situation. So - thinking as I write - I think first you try to figure out what his situation is by watching.

Somehow I get the feeling I have not helped - probably just confused you.

Sorry
Annie

Hi Cute Mom, your son is going through a very confusing and impressionable age. You and he are very close, so it may be that he is modeling his behavior after you more than his father. It may also be that he is having sexual feelings and curiosity, and he is exploring that. It is hard to say what he is thinking or feeling, because that is a very difficult age.He may be going on the computer and looking up things, and if you want a better idea of what he is thinking, maybe you can look at his URL history. I think in this case you are just wanting to be a good mom, not someone with ulterior motives. If you are close and comfortable with your son, maybe you could sit down and mention that you noticed your things were missing, that you love him and are not upset and these things are normal, and ask him if he has any questions. Relaying a story about how you felt at that age, and wishing you could talk to someone might be a good way to lower his fear enough for him to speak about things. I think this would be the best alternative, and he will not feel so bad about himself. If he has a burning curiosity that can be answered, or have his fears and guilt laid to rest, it might just end his feelings for whatever is going on. Also, it will give you some peace of mind.I wish you and he the best, and I am sure that it will all work itself out.Steve<br />
<br />
Opps! Sorry, I just read the newer stories.... Sounds like you are much further along than what I have written! :) You are a very understanding and loving mother!

I dont think you have anything to worry about at the moment, he is 12 and is just exploring he has not been through full puberty yet and to him at this age its curiosity i believe and not to sound gross or nasty so please dont take it this way but he is prob taking your underwear to play with.. not because your his mom or because he wants to wear them but because he is a young guy and his horomones are starting to come and at that age to him a pair of womans underwear may turn him on because hes starting to notice girls and an attraction their so i dont think you have nothing to worry about only time can tell.

I can remember sharing these fetishes with my close friends when I was in early adolescence.

Hello Cute Mom, make that your own secret and leave dad out of it if he's a redneck. You son will grow into whatever he wants to be. I started to play with my mom's lingerie, pantyhose and stockings when I was 6 and I enjoy doing it even when I'm 41.

I grew into a strong, confident man and no one can guess what I really enjoy.

Maybe he'll grow into a straight man, maybe he'll be bi, maybe he'll be gay. Whatever he'll be, I'm sure he'll have a loving and understanding mom, because that's what you are, since you're looking for advice about it. :-)

That's wonderful and comforting to learn about you. You're so kind to share your experience.

I talked to some friends about your story that knows a gay guy and a ts. They say that you should try to see what he is doing. And don't hide it from his dad. Tell his dad and get him doing guy things. Talk to him tell him to stay our of your stuff. Stop it before its to late. To me I like what I learned better then what I have read. But it's is your choice on how to care for your son. Good luck hope he mans up.

Who knows, he might be using them to jo with?

My son doesn't do that...lol

Well, I have since read the other threads and I gues she likes them, can't fault him for that...I kind of like to wear my wifes from time to time..lol! Shhhh.

Sorry, the last "s" in guest was attached to the "he"...no offense, just a typo.

Lol

1 More Response

Just love him & allow him to figure it out. Good luck?!!

It probably is very innocent. It sounds like he is a mummy's boy. He only spends time with you and probably wants to connect with you. If he spent more time with his father it wouldn't be so obvious because he would be doing other things. It doesn't mean he wears your underwear. He is probably curious about them and is probably at the age where he is learning to **********. Don't worry, you just need to get his father to spend more time with him. Or at least another male figure. Find out what he likes and get a guy to do them with him.

The best thing you can do for your son is accept him. I recently told my mother and it took a load off my shoulder when she told me she still loves me. For most of my youth I already knew I was transgender, like your son, I started with wearing my sisters clothes, it's not always just innocent curiosity of course I don't know everything about your sons situation, just saying you shouldn't just deny it and assume it'll go away. When I was a teenager I was very angry, and hated myself due to keeping my transgendered self hidden and not thinking I'd be accepted. I used to think of myself as a freak until I finally told my mother and decided to accept myself instead of fighting it. Your son will go through a long tough road, I wont claim that its easy, but the best thing you can do if your son is indeed transgendered or transcurious (or whatever you wanna call it, I'm very new to the lifestyle and don't know the terms myself) is to just let him know that you love him and that even if the world is against him, he will always have a mother who loves and accepts him to turn to. That's all any son wants, whether or not they're transgender or not. Good luck to you and your blessed son.

I know the father thing is difficult, my father being the old school Hispanic type, was also very anti femme and did everything to make me more "machismo" like put me through boxing, taught me how to fight, encouraged me to play with gun toys, play army men, sports, which made me act like a boy but it basically taught me that my feelings that I was born the wrong gender were wrong and made me a freak. My parents divorced when I was young so I didn't have to deal with him when I got into my senior year in high-school, again I hope for the best and hope that you can figure out a way to make things work. If you ever want to talk about these issues feel free to message me. I'd love to help you and your son in any way possible. Bless your heart for being open to helping your son instead of just rejecting him or punishing him for being himself.

AMEN and very well said!!! Isabella I think YOU rock!!!

:D

Isabella your making yo mama very proud :&gt;

I was checking around about crossdressing today since I testing panties for the first tinme. It feels pretty good. Many of the crosstdressing men started their crossdressing in the when they were 10-15 years old. The younger ones seems to go to sisters and the older ones 14 - 15 years borrows from their mothers lke your son because of size. I did not have any intrest of this things when I was young. I Think he is just testing who he is and you ought not to interfere.

Interesting advice. Glad you shared your opinion.

BTW I can't post on your board, because of your privacy restrictions.... (IF YOU WANT TO), you can change this by clicking on your username in the top right hand side of your homepage, and clicking on account settings, top 2 or 3 options on that page... If not, then ignore this LOL.

What is it about your profile that my privacy restrictions fear? I think I'll leave them as is until I underside why. Sorry

I believe it is because I have been flagged by the community as having adult content on my profile (DUH) lol

My profile doesn't block adult content. It must be something else you're flagged for. Wonder what it is?

Oh I honestly don't know, the only flag I ever see is for adult content, so I don't thin there is any other type of flag..... oh well. :)

1 More Response

HI Cute mom! first if you haven't heard it all ready, you are awesome! Your desire to grow your child into a healthy and safe adult and wanting to understand his desires are the best things a parent can do. I completely understand your worry and your caution. I wish that you could talk deeply and seriously with this to your husband as he should be your allies on this very miss understood subject.
Gender expression is very much part of each of us. Your certainly female, but are you girly girl, tomboy or someplace in between? My point is, that society allows you that freedom, it doesn't (at least not yet) allow boys that same freedom. We still are in the dark ages that if a boy emulates a girl then he is weak. What! being a girl make you weak...? Oh the stigma society puts on people to perform in specific ways is just crazy! Fortunately the world is changing! There are many many bois very much like your son, who are being allowed to express their feminine sides. The more this happens the more understanding society gets, which will make it a safer world for people like your son. But don't stop from your vigilance of keeping him safe. One way to do this is to build his confidence. Learning to like yourself, to understand yourself, to present yourself in your image are life lessons that need to get relearned more often because of what parents don't do with their children. Respect that their children are individuals with their own ideas and interpretation of themselves. If you rejoice in who your son is, he will as well. Whether this is a stage or it is completely who is id is. "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him/her drink." What you with him he will either envelope or reject. And he will make those points made if you allow him to speak his mind and listen.. Oh! he needs to listen to you as well. Setting limits and times is as important as allowing his free expressions of himself. In time you will see who nurturing his feelings and disciplining his behaviors towards safe, conscientious and respectable behaviors will help him best discover who he is.

Thank you for being a great mom! Joanie

Great advice! Thank you!

Your very welcome! I'm here (ep) mostly because I feel strongly about children and gender equality. The stigma place on boys when it comes to femininity is just so unfair. And it hurts a lot of young boys who are gender questioning but feel they need to conform. If we could just take the taboo of dress up. I think most people would be surprised as to their real personalities. :)

Just let nature take its natural course. He may have a panty fetish which isn't the end of the world. You can't change it and if you try it will probably cause more problems. Your husband is another matter. I don't envy your task in trying to get him to accept it. I would just sit back for now and see how things develop. Good Luck!!!

Purely trying to add another perspective here. I am a NON CD, bisexual, early 40's male. My sex life started for me at 8 with my older brothers. I tried on moms, and neighbors (she was an older lady who's house I would sneek into), clothes as a boy of 8 to 11ish. I didn't have a sister. I LOVED the feel of pantyhose on my skin. I grew out of that fascination by 10 to 12ish. I have never gone back to it, and i doubt I ever will. I knew to hide it when I was trying it. I never got caught or shamed for it, but i knew I would be shamed if I did get caught. You can read my childhood story to get an idea of how I grew up, if you want to, it is here on EP.
I said all that to say, that I disagree with those commenters who say it will be a part of his life forever. I was very open to it, and it was a fad for me. Having said that, odds are he will like it once tried, and if you support it, he will be more open to it, and be much more likely to adopt it as a component of his personality.
I COMPLETELY agree with Angies entire first comment (have not read any others she might have made). Approach hubby obliquely about generally supporting his son, no matter what he grows into. Maybe you could approach your son to let him know you know he is sneaking your lingerie. I would recommend NOT assuming he is wearing it, as that might not be what he is doing with it. Then since he won't know it is ok to talk to you about it, let the conversation end with you are willing to discuss this openly when HE is ready to talk about it.
I will stop here as I JUST read that you have an update not yet posted, and that might make all of my comments moot LOL.
I will say I think you are doing an INCREDIBLE job of being a mom, and i praise you for your love and support of your son and HIS identity!!!
TB

Damn your a smart guy! You'd be fantastic at jeopardy! Seriously, I love the depth and sincerity of your advice. Your a sweet man! Thank you. And thank everyone else too. It means a great deal to me that each of you care enough to write.

Well I am not as dumb as I look LOL.
Thank you!
I tried to write on your wall, but it would not let me. It is probably your settings regarding users with adult content....
TB

So..... where is that update? I am very interested in how this story turns out...

I don't disagree TBidds! but I don't also agree. I never liked beats and continued to believe that I didn't like beats until one day they were the only vegetable on the menu. I said what the heck, I'll try them. And I LOVE them! Tastes change all the time, the reasons tastes change is because our body changes. Our minds though can be locked on to one kind of belief and never move from this unless challenged or never being challenged. Your fear of being shammed could have played a huge part in your development that put your spin on your life as the way you see your life. As is the same for many Transgender persons. As I always say, you can lead a horse to water, but you can not make them drink. I know of case after case after case of a trans boi to gurl who as hard as they might, can not walk away from the femininity that is with in them. We are, of course all different and I have no doubt that you feel as you do, and it is the exception to the rule. This is why I don't get so upset and call out "abuse, abuse, abuse" when ever I hear a mom sharing her femininity with her son. It is a wonderful joy to know, experience, feel what femininity is, and there is nothing wrong with allowing a boy to walk in her shoes. Are we not proud of our daughters who walk in the fathers shoes?

I am not sure which part you don't agree with...
For me the shame of fear had no impact on my decision not to keep with crosdressing. I was also shamed for being bisexual (which, for boys back than, and still today is typically looked at as just gay) but I didn't stop being bisexual even when I was caught in the act, known around the neighborhood as the gay boy, and had my *** kicked. So because I know that shame did not stop me from being bi, and I know it did not stop me from trying on the clothes in the first place, I know it didn't stop me from continuing to try on women's clothes. The reason I tried them on in the first place was a sexual reason as it turned me on, but it didn't continue to turn me on, and so I didn't continue to do it. My reasoning for starting and stopping really is that simple.
Soooo what are we not agreeing about?

TBibbs, Generally I'm in agreement with you, and there is value to having another opinion. I mentioned my disagreement to balance yours. Gender is a complex subject. What I disagree with is where your saying this is not something that is likely to stay with someone. Simply, your motivation to be bisexual was greater then any articles of clothing were. No question you were experimenting and "sexualized" clothing at that time, this is not gender association, it's sexual association and our sexual tastes change. The shame of being caught in a dress and being bi sexual may have been greater then just being bisexual (I don't know, and you can't be sure). Your rational perhaps, because the clothing wasn't as large a turn on as you thought or you out grew, you didn't want to be associated with that kind of activity "shame of being thought of as something more then just bi sexual" or maybe not (I actually believe you out grew it, and didn't want to be associated with it and thus moved from it naturally. There are always exceptions to the rule, I have no doubt that you are not transgender even though you may have tried on clothing of the female gender (as I said it was sexual, not a natural draw which you identified as being female. To make your reference that cross dressing doesn't stay with someone is just not accurate. As most people who identify as cross dressers can not simply walk away from it because it doesn't turn them on.. it doesn't go away, because it's more then being a sexual turn on, it's about being in to the state of being feminine and desiring to be feminine. And cute mom's son appears to have a feminine flare. I do apologize, as your opinion is valuable, but I needed to say that it is not the norm as it pertains to cross dressing and female identifying.

MJ said "What I disagree with is where your saying this is not something that is likely to stay with someone" I never said or intended that, so I am sorry that this got confused.
What I said was "I disagree with those commenters who say it will be a part of his life forever. I was very open to it, and it was a fad for me. Having said that, odds are he will like it once tried, and if you support it, he will be more open to it, and be much more likely to adopt it as a component of his personality."
What I SHOULD have said was I disagree with those commenters who say that this WILL (fact as in this is the only option he has) be a part of his life forever. I was only trying to point out that while it is PROBABLE it will stay with him, it is not a forgone conclusion, as it did not stay with me for life.
I do think that Cute30'sMom should make it known to him that he CAN talk to her about it, if and when he is ready, as I think way too many children govthrough tough emotional situations (whatever they are, be it sexual, gender, suicide, etc...) without enough adult guidance and support!!! At the end of the day that is all I was really trying to convey, that she should let her son know she is open to the discussion, and to applaud her for reaching out to help her son with a difficult situation.

This is often the argument those in authority will make to prohibit a young child from "making a mistake" There is no question a child grows as they are bent. And the preponderance of evidence that children wish to please is astronomical. But so is the evidence that offers a child will rebel against a bending that goes against the grain of their id. So were do we draw the line? If a child has their gender aligned with their sex according to social constructs. We have no issues with a parent bending a child to be all that his/her sex is. We constantly form that child into a belief structure that may have some validity but is not always the case. When we don't allow a child options and encourage choices (with guidance) we may also be robing a child of options and experience something I find very said. If a child is Transsexual and we slow this process, just to be safe. We don't allow the child to learn important social skills. Yes the pleasing factor is huge. We must get under that and support a child's right to make their own choices. How do we do this? Seriously, People aren't binary society and our fears of non conformity are. I'm sorry for any miss understanding. This is a great conversation.

First off lemme apologize to Cute for hijacking her original post. To those readers who are NOT here for THIS discussion, please stop reading, and go back to the original post :)

I agree it is a good conversation, but you (MJ) are very difficult to understand!!! You said "This is often the argument those in authority will make to prohibit a young child from "making a mistake"" I have no idea what you are referring to. What did I say that could in any way be confused as referring to an adult argument for prohibiting a young child from "making a mistake"?

Let me be uber clear in the hopes that this will help. I personally think that when a child shows tendencies for sexual orientation (straight, gay or bi), they should be supported. I personally think that a child is typically born with a biological makeup that predisposes them to a specific gender. Typically males are born with testosterone and females are born with estrogen. And I personally think that if a child shows gender identity traits that are not in line with the accepted social norms (girls should become women and boys should become men) that they should be supported. I do think that supporting ANY trait that a child shows inclination towards, encourages that child to adopt that trait as a part of there identity and internal makeup as a person. I personally think that If a child shows inclination towards a trait that is in line with their id, but not in line with our social norms, I.e. a boy wants to wear womans clothing, or a child who thinks they were born the wrong gender, that (s)he should be supported.
I hope that made my beliefs and what I was trying to say, very clear.

6 More Responses

Wow lots of things going on here. Your son, I think, is not the biggest concern. It's dad. He sounds a bit repressed. Do not expect that to change. Teach your son to be independent, his own person. Dad, seeing his son in his own image, will likely reject him at some point. You and your son will need to be strong.

You've gotten some great insight so far I have a little bit I would like to add. A cross dressing person can have a full life with a spouse and children if that's what they want. It's possible to find a woman that accepts their man wearing ladies clothing. An accepting relationship like that can be beautiful and loving. I personally have found the love of my life who accepts me for me, who helps make time for me to dress in our busy lives. So don't fear for your son's future happiness if it turns out he is a cd. What will be vital for him is to accept himself, and the sooner he does the better off he will be. Too many of us spend years in hiding and hating ourselves. We loath what we do but can't stop. But once we accept it and let go of the guilt its like a great burden is lifted. I would suggest showing your acceptance of alternative lifestyles openly. Let him see his mom won't think he's a freak if he divulges his deepest secret; one he thinks no one can possibly understand or accept. I can see you love your son, so I hope you can help him accept himself early in life and avoid the guilt most of us had growing up. My guilt stemmed from the necessity of stealing and borrowing my mom's things. It wasn't that I had eyes on her, just her clothes. But the guilt is real and it didn't stop until I accepted myself and got my own things. Once my girl clothes were mine I could just enjoy being in them. I've spent entire days in a skirt and pantyhose and felt like me; felt whole and balanced. It's not always about being sexual but puberty will make it seem that way for a time. There's such a release of emotions and hidden feelings that clouds things. If you find tell tale signs in your clothing just try to overlook it but work towards getting him to open up so you can buy him his own things.

My mom found I was doing the same thing at the same age. She asked me if I wanted her to buy me my own bras and panties. I tearfully said no, but that is really what I wanted. Trust me this is something that is not likely to go away. It wasnt about ************ with me it was so I could feel like a girl.

How terribly sad for you. And a regretful moment in your life as well.

I assume your fear is, the punishment from your husband would be pretty severe.

he is searching for several things.. one of them may not be protection, but to be with a strong woman.

I am now married and still like to dress privately.. I have had some male to male relationships and have a gay son. I started to dress when I was about 8. I loved the feeling of womens clothes on my body. My aunt caught me when I was 12, and made me sit to pee and taped my **** to my *** to really get the feeling of being a girl.. My dad caught me and made fun and beat my ***.... So i was able to dress with my aunts and well as go naked around them... we still have a conection to this day and I am now 54.... Let him be himself and let him know it is ok, but some people dont respect people that are different. You may help him dress and make him stop hiding it around you..... He will find a way to do it somewhere so if your ok with it allow him to do it at home...... Leave your hubby out of it... Big problem there. Hope this helps a little.. would be glad to answer any questions or help in any way I can....

I think talking to him in a caring and non judgmental way would be a very good idea. Do not expect him to be able to explain much though as I am sure he is struggling with trying to figure out the answers himself. But your support and understanding will be a huge relief to him. As for protecting him from others, I would not worry about that too much as he most likely will not want others to know until he is ready and then at that point he will feel he is strong enough to handle what ever is said to him. Some things you could do to help him are encourage him to take acting classes or ballet as in those environments the people are more liberal and accepting. Your husband would probably have issue with the ballet but maybe not with acting classes or something else like that.

I know that i n the past, homosexuals went into the arts such as theatre and dance because they were more excepted. I heard one Miss America contender say " I like gays on my dress up staff. They're frank and they'll tell you what they really think." That's a very good point and worth the pursuit. It may make him a very happy young man/Girl.

Don't push him either way; he is going to be embarrassed enough as it is knowing you have found out. Be supportive of his interests and hobbies, whatever they are - crossdressing does not have to be a "lifestyle", especially at his age. Why don't you sort out some of your old clothes/shoes and just say to him "I was going to take these to the thrift store - is there anything you would like first?" as if it was perfectly natural. That would be a great way to break the ice without being confrontational and still showing your support. Then leave it up to him; his response should be a good guide as to how he really feels. Good luck, and God Bless you for being a wonderful mom!

Great advice from my transgender support group as expected. You girls are as smart as you are generous with your assistence. Thanks.

I would say that you are doing it right nurture him love him and be open with him. one thing you could even possibly think of if he is stealing your panties is to by him some cute little girl panties and just put them in his drawer and let him find them and see what conversation it starts with him. might open up a new door of communication. as for the dad/husband that is tough and I do not envy you. people need to learn how to love more I think. Just know you are not alone and there are people here for ya.

That's a good idea, As soon as he sees them, he'll know YOU know, and he may want to talk to you about it. It may be only a teen age fetish because he's just learning about sex and he's curious about it.

let him come to you and dont judge

Try not to read too much into things. Just love him, and however he matures, he will discover for himself. Just always let him know that you love him no matter what.

There will be some hurt and suffering but a loving, supportive Mom like you will ease much of the discomfort. I am a straight male that enjoys dressing as a female and I would advise that, most likely, your son doesn't yet know what his inclinations are. He may have any one of a number of sexual or fetish inclinations but he will not know for certain until he has grown and experienced more of life. As a mother that has noticed some difference in your son it would be best for you to talk with him fairly often. Let him know that you are aware of his explorations and that you don't judge him for exploring. Let him know that you are open to his exploring but that his father and others shouldn't become aware until your son has grown to an age where he can honestly decide on what direction he must go. Best of luck to you and to your son.

I can only speak of my own experience growing up as a cross dresser. My Mom caught me the very first time, she bought a selection of female clothes in my size and left a note with them. Nothing was ever said.
Though no 2 people are a like, I feel that you would be best off speaking with a dr that specialises in G I D issues.

I will be glad to try to help. I am married, straight, have kids and also have an inner girl who has been with me for my entire life. . I want to be up front with you. No one but my wife has any clue about me - in my male life I am a professional.
I think I have a pretty good perspective on boys (having done a very good job pretending to be one, playing high school sports and all and having raised two sons now in their early 20s), and my sense is that while "you know girl", you also have enough common sense to "know boy"as well.
Boys love panties, whether to wear them or because of the sense of the forbidden- what the other sex gets to wear. They also feel really good ( I will admit that).
Melodie is on target. Talk to your son. Tell him you love him. Sometimes that's what the fragile guys yearn for. Give him a hug. I know it's tough with your husband, but tell your son you care. I don't think you will drive him away. Give him an outlet. Not talking won't solve anything.
As a kid, I was scared my femininity was a sign of weakness. But I always was happy with my internal self. I wish my mom had been forceful when she suggested things like curling my hair. She was looking for a way to get me to open up, I think. I was too proud to take the hint about curlers and dressing as a girl for Halloween. In my case, I wish I had been pushed. I suggest doing something (a gentle conversation that tells your son that you know) is always better than doing nothing and letting fate take its course. You're a good mom- that's obvious- and you care. Just let him know you do. Please feel free to write and I'll try to help in any way I can.

The Best advice Yet!
I couldn't have said it better!
Speak to him gently as he is going to be embarrassed about it I'm sure!

he could have gender identity disorder and finding comfort with your lingerie... just a thought

That's sort of what I'm thinking although I know little about it. What's the difference in GID, TG, TS, CD? How will I know what to look for?

just goggle gender identity disorder and look at the wikipedia page, its very informative... good luck hun

Thank you miss Suzy, your a doll. May I add you in case I need a quick answer sometime?

Wow...that's a tough one. I wouldn't tell your husband either. How old is your son?
I would ask him. Since it seems like you are close just talk to him. Once they know you wont freak or get mad, they talk.

He's 12. I'm in no hurry to crack this egg because I think I need to learn more before I expose us both to a conversation I'm not prepared to have. Thanks for the support.

Is there any chance as he is 12 going on 13 that his friends think his mum is hot,And boys being boys he has been conned into bringing to school his mums sexy underwear for a dare.When my daughter was his age,not all the time.But! sometimes some of the things they did and said were enlightening to say the less.

That's something I haven't dared to think about. Kind of awkward thinking about a bathroom full of 12 year olds passing my panties around. I really have no idea. But thank you for your ideas.

The joys of mother hood.I have photos of my son on our porch when he was about 6 playing with my jewellery. Ear rings,necklaces,and the rest,he was having a great old time.Keep smoking,drinking,rock on.(HA!,HA!) you will get through it,we all do as our kids do some of the mind boggling things.And my son came out on facebook when I found out.

To add on to the rest ,he was 27 yrs old when it happened.It was'nt a good way for his sister and me to find out.

Really? So your son is gay? What I've learned is that most cross dressers are not gay so it's difficult to measure his suspected activity with homosexuals because often they are not one and the same. How did you handle it when your son told you?

My son sent photos of him and his boyfriend,posted them on his time line page.My daughter saw them first,and told me I think you need to see this mum,It was a shock,I feel betrayed by him for not telling me.He went overseas for 2 yrs,backpacking around the world,he had split from his 7-8 yr relationship with his girlfriend before he left and came back argumentative,an arsehole ,we did nothing but fight.Then the photos arrived.

Perhaps he feels as if you do not accept him so he is angry and hurt. Our children grow up believing that their parents love them unconditionally. Of course we all do but love and acceptance can be different things. Some parents draw stricter lines than others. Accepting gender and sexuality differences in our own children can be challenging for some parents. It was scary for me but once I started learning and educating myself about it instead of just adopting the subjective views of people who have never experienced it, I began to rationalize my family's situation better and I worried less.

You're worried about your son and its scary for sure but tell him that you love him and accept that he has made a choice to live his life in total conformance with his gender and sexuality instead of living a lie to make you and others feel comfortable and that you totally respect him for having the guts to do that. Tell him that you're afraid for him because you don't understand it but that you are willing to learn.

I think this will help.

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