Advice For A Son, (2) Continued.

First of all I want to thank each of my new friends who were so generous as to provide your ideas and your heart felt assistance with the issues related to my son. Each of you had something important to say and I deeply appreciate your efforts. I thought I would catch you gals up on what has I have done about this so far. If anyone thinks I’m crossing any lines then please speak up.

Yesterday I was thinking of painting my nails and my son was in the room with me watching television. I asked him if he wanted to help his mama pick a color for my nails. He actually lit up a little and came over to me to help. We looked at all the colors and I totally let him pick. He came up with a seafoam color so I of course raved over what a great color it was and told him that I was letting him pick for me all the time now. His face just lit up.

He sat there with me as I worked on my nails a little to prepare them for color and he seemed very interested in the process. Once I started applying color, I said, “mama can do yours next if you want.” And he looked at me sort of like I was crazy. “I can do clear so it don’t look girly then we can take it right off if you don’t like it.” “No, that’s ok mom.” Hmmm. Ok, he liked participating in the process with me but he was either uninterested or afraid to let me paint his nails.

So in fear of trying to push him into anything, I just said, “ok baby, it’s ok, I just think it’s fun and thought you might too. No big deal. What would you like to do? Wanna sit here with mama and watch tv? He said he did so he cuddled up next to me and I scratched his head for a while and later he went to bed. No big revelations but at least we are communicating.

Then last night in bed I was getting some advice from someone else and I came up with a plan. This morning I snuck into his bathroom and turned off the valve on his hot water. I then ran a bubble bath in my bathroom and put some scented soap in it and put some of my prettiest panties and camisole on and started my beauty routine. It wasn’t long before I heard him running his bath water.

“MOM! My water won’t get hot, can you come in here? I walked in his bathroom in my finest French Aubade panties and matching cami and checked his water and played with the faucets. “I cant fix it either hun, I guess I’ll have to get the plumber to come while you’re at school today and fix it.” He couldn’t take his eyes off of my lingerie. It wasn’t my body he was looking at buy my lingerie. Hmmm, I think I am on to something. “I ran a tub of bath water for myself, I’ll just let you use mine, how about that mister?” “Ok.” I marched him into my much larger bathroom and pointed at the tub of scented water. “I’ll turn around so I can’t see you naked OK? Go ahead.”

My son waited for me to turn around then slipped his tighties off and got in the tub. “Mom, this water smells good, did you put something in it?” “Yea, I like to smell pretty so I put some bath oil in there cause I thought it was for me. Does it smell bad to you or do you like it?” “I don’t know, good I guess.” Well you can use it anytime you want just ask me to show you how much to use ok, it’s expensive and it doesn’t take much.” “Ok.” I could see him staring at my movements from the corner of my eye.

“Mom, why do girls have to do all that stuff anyway?” “What stuff dear?” “You know, the makeup stuff and nail polish and all that creamy stuff your wiping on your legs right now?” “Hmm, that’s a great question love. I guess girls don’t actually have to do it. No one has to do it and some girls don’t do any of this stuff. Everyone is different. Not all boys are the same and not all girls are the same. Personally, I like to feel pretty and smell pretty and dress pretty so I can be proud of myself. I want you father to think I am pretty and I especially want you to think so. The lotion keeps my skin soft and takes care of my skin, the perfume makes me smell pretty, the nail polish helps my nails stay healthy and look nice, the makeup adds color and depth and drama to my face. I wear these pretty clothes and underwear because they feel so great on my skin, they are very pretty and it just helps me to feel like a girl.”

“Mom, you are a girl and you are beautiful so that stuff must work.” “Maybe we could put it on you and make you a pretty girl, huh?” He grunted like he was angry so I told him I was teasing him.

“You know, like I said before, not all boys are the same. Some boys could care less about all of these pretty things. They just like to be rough and touch and fight and stuff and other boys do like to feel pretty like I do. Some girls are like me and some girls like to dress like you. No one is right and no one is wrong. Everyone just does what makes them feel best about themselves. Do you understand?” “ I guess so. But boys don’t wear clothes like you do they?” “Well, that depends; there are some boys who do. They like pretty colors and like sophisticated fabrics, you know, like these underwear I have on today. If I didn’t like how they feel and how pretty they are, I would just buy something cheap like you wear. I mean they’re just underwear, everybody wears underwear right? The only think different about mine from yours is that mine have color and are made from better material and have been made to look pretty. I just happen to enjoy the feeling I get when I put them on and see how pretty I look in the mirror. Your dad just likes plain ones so that is what he wears. You never told us what you like so we just always bought you what your dad wears because we figured that if wanted something nicer or like mine, you would just say and you could have them. No big deal really.”

My son was silent. I told him he needed to get finished so he could get dressed for school. But his mind was racing from what I had been talking about. I finished my eyes and turned to him and said, “see babe, what do you think about my eyes now? Do they look pretty?” “Yes mom, very pretty.” No fanfare or anything, just a simple acknowledgement. “Want a towel sweetheart? Here, I can turn my head while I hold it out for you and you can just step up in here and dry off.” My son did as I said and I walked back to my vanity.

My son started finishing up in my bathroom with me and we just talked and talked like everything we had just discussed was completely normal. “I’m so glad you spent time in here getting ready with mama this morning. We are going to have to fix ourselves up together all the time now. This is so much fun, just the two of us prettying ourselves up for the day, what do ya say?” “Yea mom, I like it too.” “Here, this is just a little something to make you feel pretty today.” With that I took my powder brush and patted his little nose and cheeks then smiled real big. He smiled back and looked in the mirror to see what he looked like which was so precious.

 

Afterwards, I said, “Hey fellow, since me and you are partners now, why don’t you help me pick out my dress today?” I walked into the closet and he followed, determined to wear whatever in the world he picked. “How about this mom?” He pointed to a navy pleated silk dress. I thought it may be a little chilly for that dress today but what the heck, “Oh, I love that dress don’t you? Thank you, that will be lovely on me today. I just have to change my panties first. These panties will show right through a dress like this, you don’t want people looking at my panties today do ya?” Your right mom, I guess you should. He followed me into my room and watched me retrieve a navy thong panty from the drawer he has been familiarizing himself with for months. “Turn around sweetheart, mama has to take off my underwear.” He turned around and I slipped the panties off and down my legs then pulled the thong up in their place and tugged around to get them straight. “Ok, all finished.” He turned around to see me standing in front of him in my navy thong, I picked up the dress and stepped into it, sliding it up and the straps over my shoulders. “What ya think partner? Thanks to you, I will be the prettiest girl in town today.” Yup, mom, you are.”

I put a pair of heels on, grabbed my purse and walked him to the kitchen to fix a little breakfast before the bus arrived. I noticed a big change in his step and his face. He seemed happier than I’ve seen him in a long time. I think I struck a nerve with him. The main thing I accomplished from my perspective was that first, I helped to lower the barriers between us which are purely derived from our gender differences. Why should it be socially unacceptable for a son to take an interest in and actually contribute to the things his mother does day in and day out? It’s not uncommon for boys to watch their dad shaving or getting ready, why not mom? Second, I tried to take the stigma out of his interest in pretty under things by simply calling it what it is, underwear.

Who cares what anyone wants to wear, its freaking underwear. If he wants hello kitty on them, why would I care? Then I allowed him the free thought of deciding for himself, “am I a pretty clothes kinda guy or a regular clothes kinda guy?” No need to talk about sexuality or things inappropriate for this conversation right now. It’s just the simple idea of how certain clothes can make you feel better. Now he at least knows that I would be totally ok with whatever he wants and he also understands that he doesn’t have to be exactly like dad or his friends, he can be himself because everyone is different.

While finishing up his breakfast I had one more little piece of wisdom for him to ponder while we are separated today. “Sweetheart, I want you to know that what I was telling you this morning is very important. As we get older, it becomes our own responsibility to be who we want to be. Being different is actually very good. When you go to school and study about people in your book, the only reason those people are famous is because they were different. You understand? Those people set aside their fears and ignored others when they were made fun of and just did whatever it was that their brain was telling them was right. Their thoughts made them different from everybody else and sometimes people are uncomfortable with people who are different. But because they were like no one else and refused to adapt and give up their dreams, everyone in the world is better off for them and they were able to be happy their whole lives. Now every kid in the whole world gets to learn about them because they stood tall and lived their dreams.” My son smiled from ear to ear and my eyes started to well up with tears as I watched him walk out the door to the waiting school bus.

Oh my, now what? I know I have opened pandora’s box I just hope I am doing the right thing. Like I said before, I don’t want to push him, I just want him to feel comfortable with himself and his gender identity without having to hide and feel shameful. I can hardly wait to hear from everyone on where we are and how I take it to the next place. Off to the mall to get a few things. I hope to talk to everyone later.

 

Courtney

 
Cute30sMom Cute30sMom
31-35, F
14 Responses Jan 10, 2013

WoW very nice story,

Take it slow, personally as long as you're listening there isn't a right or wrong if you're watching for the signals. You sound like the hurdle is well past you now, he is talking and communicating.

Another thought.He's 12 years old now and beginning puberty. I'd see a gender specialist and if it's the appropriate thing put him on some kind of puberty blockers and later on administering female hormones, otherwise your son is going to go through Hell dealing with the raging male hormone stages.

Although your intentions are good and much of your thoughts true, there is a general prejudice against cross-dressing as well as homosexuality. He may end up being teased and beat up. I'd advise him to keep his predilections in the home and enjoy "our little secret".

Such awesome respect in your teachings! I have no doubt that your son will benefit with you as his mom.

: its a phase he's going thru

Looking forward to reading more of this wonderful saga.

You sound like an absolutely amazing Mother, and your Son Sounds pretty-amazing too, you are lucky to have such a son, and your Son equally lucky to have such an amazing Mother.
No matter how hard various people have tried, at various times, to bring up children 'gender neutral', (and sorry, yes, that is such a dredful sounding phrase, but I believe its the one that is most often used), all children both male and female are of course exposed, constantly, to stereotypical male, and female dressing, and the ideas can quikly get fixed wihin ones mind, as to what is approipiate or correct, for ones 'sex'/gender.
This could, as others have said, be soemthign of a passing phase for your son, or something more indicitive of a need to cross dress, which may, or may not as others have been said, mean that he is perhaps bisexual or homosexual; though as often as not, most cross dressers are, I believe hetrosexual.
You seem to be very open with your son, and in the communication with him, as you've written about, it seems one big thing that is helping you and he a lot, is your ability to communicate so well.
As you say, its about ensuring he knows 'dorrs are open', and then, hopefully he can make his own choices and descisions.
I tend to cross-dress, to a limited extent myself, and now I'm older it definately tends to have a sexual nature to it; but not always so; If I get up in the morning, to go out into town, or to work etc., and just slip on some 'female' underwear, there is a sensuality and tactile experience to it, and it can just change how I sort of 'feel', and that is probably as big a part of the reasoning for my wanting to wear such things, as the purely sexual nature of it, that it sometimes has.
But I guess each person who cross-dresses, does so for their own reasons, and I think it is very hard to get into someones mind, and truely understand their thinking and reasoning, though sometimes we can but glimpse it.
Keep up the good work, and I guess just try not to 'rush' him, or 'overpower' him with too much too quickly, and just let him know the 'door is open', and you are always there for him to talk, if and when he wants too.

Thanks for the experience-storey.

In early adolescence, children are very unstable in their sexual feelings They don't solidify until later years Some young people aren't fully sexually developed until there 20's, others much earlier. I think that for the time being you've gone as far as you can go. As long as he k nows that he has your respect regardless how he develops, I think that's enough. You did a good job.

I don't have any advice for you but I did want to say you sound like an amazing mother. I have quite a few friends who suffered with their gender identity when they were young, all of them would have loved to have at least one parent like you

I don't know you or your son, but have you ever considered that maybe he just finds you attractive, and is fascinated by YOU, and not by feminine things?

Yes, I have considered it. I guess there is no way to find out unless I engage him to see what happens. If that ends up being true, he probably won't respond to my little tests. At least like a real transgendered person would. But so far, it's about 70/30 in favor of him being gender dysphoric. If I see that it continues to evolve, I may seek professional guidence for us from someone who specializes in these types of cases. On the other hand, if he just thinks I'm hot and wants to be my personal things, then that will probably be something he will grow out of. I think I can handle that ok if it manifests itself that way. We will see. Thanks for the observation.

Wow, just wow!

That was wonderful! You are giving him the opportunity to make the choice for himself and I suspect that in the not to distant future he will open up to you. Very well done!

Courtney, you are one incredible Mom. You really care. Your son is lucky to have you.