Chasing Rainbows

I was supposed to have lunch with a friend today, but wound up hanging out with another instead. It often happens that people's schedules change, and I get last minute invitations, so what I've planned for a given day can be entirely different.  In the game of my life, there are a whole lot of different players, and they rotate in and out without any particular pattern of predictability. 

The setting can change, too.  And so it was that I found myself eating a burger outdoors beside the water rather than inside a cozy pub beside a fireplace.  My friend had chosen a table with a large umbrella, tilted so that I could bask in the warm sunshine while she chilled in the shade.  She loves the autumn and winter much more than this Indian summer we're having.  Soon enough, she'll be enjoying her favourite seasons. 

There are other differences betwixt us.  She is younger than me, and married far later than I did.  Her children are far younger than mine.  She likes to nestle down in her home, and I love to travel.  She's had a far harder life than I have, yet she is a softer, more gentle person.  She is far more creative than me, more artistic, more imaginative, and yet I am perhaps more of a dreamer.  I believe that something wonderful can happen in my future if I'm brave enough to leap from my cozy nest.

She knows about my sexual explorations.  About my time writing on the internet and my plans to publish my adventures as a thinly veiled novel series, working up a screenplay or stage play script as well.  She is a writer too, and she works hard at her craft.  She supports my pursuing my writing ideas, but she worries that I am too obsessed with it all.  She is more comfortable with me as a teacher, a theatre gal, an environmental activist, a political person.  Those roles do not concern her the way my current one sex chat goddess one does.

She used to be more into sex.  I remember when my children were younger, before she had kids, she would talk enthusiastically about the Kama Sutra.  She had a lover from India, and the two of them went at it with no little degree of intensity.  But now they are married, and she is a mother, and her life is different.  She steered the conversation away from my online adventures and writing progress, and instead told me of her children's teeth.  Of their cavities and flossing and orthodontia.  She asked me about my children's teeth.  I obliged with a few details.

She recognizes that she is avoiding certain topics, dodging my desire to discuss some things.  "I like learning about Shakespeare and your family from you," she told me.  "I just worry that you are becoming addicted to all this online stuff.  Chasing rainbows." 

I considered her statement.  At this stage of the game, I'm enjoying the rainbows too much to stop.

A new waitress came to refresh our drinks.  She poured a sweet raspberry tea into my friend's glass, a plain unsweetened tea into mine.  She asked my friend "Would you like more fries?  They're bottomless, you know."  Then she looked at my plate, unsure if I had ordered fries and eaten them all already.  "Did you get fries too?"

"Nope," I said.  "I'm not bottomless."  My friend laughed ruefully. 

"You're really working hard to lose weight, aren't you?" she asked. 

"Well, yes," I replied.  "If I'm going to look good in a corset while boinking strange men from the internet, I can't be drinking sweet tea and eating bottomless fries."

Humph.  I am not just chasing rainbows.  I am actively going after a dream.  And I am determined I'm going to live it.  I looked out at the water near our table, and  thought about all that I've done, and all that I hope to do.  Colourful, indeed.
milkynips milkynips
46-50, F
Sep 25, 2012