Same Four Walls

grr i wanted to join this group by either ep is messing up on me or my computer is leading me to the brink of insanity. anyway!

the tite of this group is perfect. it's not that i don't like people so much as, i don't trust them. physically, i like being around people to an extent; i don't mind the trains or libraries or parks,.... it's when someone tries to get emotionally close to me. And now, when i try to make new friends (online because I do stay pretty much hidden in my apartment most of the day), i find myself keeping distance there as well because i don't want to get hurt. Same four walls, i stay in this room and pretty much everything i do is here. work, school,... i do go out of course but once the people begin to be too much, or if someone tries to talk to me, i shove them away and come home.

People can say they won't leave you or they'll be there no matter what but it's easy to say 'i'd risk my life for you' if you're not in a life or death situation. when that situation comes, it is a whole new experience. same with 'i'll always be here for you' or 'i promise i'll never leave you.'

friends, family and relationships have always found their way to this point. people get tired of me. hell, i get tired of me. so i figure if i keep people far enough away, i can prevent some pain when they leave.

but i must admit, i wish i had the ability to want to let people close to me. truth is i also think i'd probably taint them if they came close. taint them with sadness. with memories. with my research which no one wants to hear.

great group.... thanks for creating :) i would join but for some reason it's not letting me x_x

best wishes to all and if you read this, thank you...
TheUsedMisfit TheUsedMisfit
22-25, F
2 Responses Jul 31, 2010

Good story i feel quite similar.