I Never Knew How It Felt To Be Amog Others

Since i can remember i have always been by myslef alone. I didn't consider it lonely because i never talked much to people or even so much took a step outdoors. I would always be locked up in my room alone listening to music and reading or writing some poetry.My whole family would go to the store and i would stay home alone watching tv and eating what i could find.I was about 7 years when i started to talk to people.I remember the first time my mom took me to school.She never touched me or holded my hand so when the teacher puts her hand on my back to show me around it felt strange and good.I almost cried but i holded the treas in.From there i like to sociolize but then no one ever seems to care about me or how i'm doing.so i'll just be quite and stay alone once again and hide from so many people because i feel out of place in a crowd.Its just all the tension of everyone that i feel around me.I feel like a lost child not knowing where to go or whom to talk to.I'ved told my mom but she doesn't understand she always thought that i looked for attention by actting this way.When in matter of fact i didn't look for attention i didn't want any one staring at me all i wanted was for someone to understand who i am and love me for being me and not the looks.I know there are others that are going through worse or better.So i don't complaine about  my life.All i do is help those near me and be there in any way of help.Keeping everything inside isn't smart becuse then with all this i'l end up get sad again and try to commit suciced like when i was 12.But i know better now so i understand we take time to heal and learn new wisdom from the wrongs that we'ved done in past.I might be only 16 but i know so much just by experience and it may be bad but how else will i know what is right from wrong if i do not experience them or gain new insight from someone's experience. 

Syaa Syaa
18-21, F
Aug 9, 2010