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Walking By Myself

I’m not the biggest fan of people, to be rather frank. I prefer to be on my own than be in a large group of people and it suits me just fine though. Well, not that I won’t be social around people. But I always direct the conversation towards them or another topic when they want to talk about me. It’s just something I do. And it really does tire me out to be around people often. Being by myself is rejuvination, in a way. Those who are closest to me, I don’t always share everything with them, let alone a stranger or not such a good friend. They may know much about me, but there are still many things about me that they do not know. I’ve had so many “fair weather” friends and people who I trusted who just broke promises and purposefully did something to belittle me, that even if I know someone is a very good person and a true friend, I still distance myself. Every time someone and I become close to each other, I do something to push them somewhat away. I don’t like depending on people and not being in control of myself. As soon as I willingly let people in, I’m reminded I shouldn’t. Being away from the crowd, on my own, is safer for both them and me. I'm the girl who stands in the corner of a room and watches people have fun: talking, dancing, ect. And, I'll enjoy myself, even if it doesn't look to much like it. I don't need to be surrounded by people to have fun. *shrugs* I guess I just make sure I don't become too involved in people's lives. Knowing them, helping them, listening to them, I don't mind - I'm happy to help when I can, but just because I let someone open up to me, they musn't expect the same from me.
 
“I walk this empty street,
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams,
Where the city sleeps,
And I'm the only one and I walk alone,
I walk alone I walk alone,
I walk alone and I walk a….
 
My shadows the only one that walks beside me,
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating,
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me,
'Till then I'll walk alone.”
Floydess Floydess 18-21, F 11 Responses Mar 21, 2011

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*giggle-giggle* Oh, okay, I get it now! =D I shall have to look up those songs. =]

Yet some people have a way of twisting everything they hear.<br />
<br />
*raises eyebrow* ~_-

Well, I guess the key to that is to reveal stuff that won't hurt you in the end. Like sharing stuff you don't mind sharing but not giving every piece of you. That kind of sounds like false intimacy but sometimes it's better to play it safe.

I'd prefer knowing them than them knowing me, only if they're willing to tell involuntary. But of course, it's each's own opinion. Mmm, and yes, if someone continuously asked questions, but never really told anything about themselves, it will get uncomfortable. Unless the person being asked is a narcissus. =P

Yea, I get your point but I wouldn't feel comfortable if someone kept asking me questions but doesn't reveal much about themselves. Information-wise it should be equal. One shouldn't know so much while the other knows so little. That's how I view it.

*nods* I know that feeling. If people have something to say about me, say it to my face. Don't discuss me with others. It's very difficult, yes, to let someone in if it's happened many times. Perhaps it is not so bad to let people in a bit closer, but only enough to keep you safe and comfortable.

People gossip in this place I live and I feel that I do not want to be discussed by anyone. Also, there have a couple of people that I thought were trustworthy and they betrayed me. So since that time I have built a wall and no one is allowed in to see the real me. People think they know me but they really do not. Even on this site I refuse anyone that wants to "friend" me.

I do that a lot too, purpleparrot. I ask many questions and i helps keep the focus off me. It's not like they always mean it on purpose, but if someone doesn't know something about you, how can they use it against you, right?

We are kindred spirits; reading your story was like I was writing it myself. If I am talking to someone I question them so much they don't think about asking me anything and that is the way I like it. When people know too much about you they can come back and hurt you in some way. Usually people are happy to go on and on about themselves and some times I am actually interested in their lives; but other times my eyes are glazing over in my head. Whenever I let my guard down with someone I feel open for criticism and vulnerable which makes me upset with myself for letting someone see behind the curtain.

"Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive, and I walk alone...."

"I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known. Don't know where it goes, but it's home to me and I walk alone..."