I Actually Strive For It In

Unless you yourself are transsexual I don't know if I can effectively relate the depths of those feelings.

Having a male body never felt right to me, as far back as I can remember. I never really did like mirrors or having my picture taken.

I tried telling myself for many years that I would feel more like a guy if I did this or that, but I was just lying to myself. The only thing that was going to change how I felt was self-acceptance, which I never really did. Over time my life actually became more and more unbearable. There was the self-loathing, the confusion, the pain of not being able to be who you really are because you spend your time living a lie.

So there came a moment when I knew it just had to change, a moment when I was okay. Okay because God loved me the way I am. Deep down inside of you, if you ask yourself who you are, you'll get an answer. Once I accepted my self I could move forward and slowly become who I really was ... a woman.

So little things, taking one step at a time. Soft smooth almost sliky skin. Feminine manerisms. A slight sway in my walk. Small breasts. On occassion make up, dresses, skirts, high heels. Little things keep me moving to my goal.

I am very happy with my female, feminine body as it is becoming. My body is now on the way it should have been from birth.

Josie06 Josie06
56-60, F
3 Responses Jul 30, 2010

I know how you feel apart from im a male in a females body. And i technically havent started to change yet as im 19 and i dont want to start making the changes for myself to change my mind. I know i need to but dont know if its right.

That's ok doubt as a way of metering your desires to know when and what is right for you. Keep reflecting on what you want, and the amount of drive you have to get it. You are fortunate to live in a society that is beginning to open their eyes to the many degrees of gender. It may be hard for you where you are and with the family you have. But self acceptance as Jose says is the first goal to any action we do to ourselves. Having acceptance from others is easy after that.

Josie, what you write I could have signed... Good luck in your becoming more and more who you deeply really are!

Josie, we are born with our brain wired like a female. There are two different processes that decide our body and brain gender when we are created within the womb. This is how my psychiatrist explained it to me. I too long for the body my brain tells me I am.