Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

It's Too Late For Me

I have been married a long time. I supported my husband through all his endeavors, I have been the good wife, I have never cheated on my husband and he has always gotten what he wants, he wanted to be a cowboy, we bought a ranch. He wanted to be a sailor, we bought a boat, his truck was not big enough we bought a truck that cost the same as most houses in America. We have put off having children so he could get his college degree, start a ranch, go sailing, pay of the truck, live in a foreign country. And all along I supported him, all the while asking him if we can now start a family, always something, lets pay this off first, lets finish this first, wait until this is done.  Well... I'm now 46.
I was once a very nice, kind, giving loving person that loved life had a great attitude and was always happy.  I no longer know who I am, I'm mean, bitter, angry, mad. and all I want is a child, that is all, but now I'm way to old, I have less than a 2% chance of having one. I'm too old to adopt internationally and too old to wait for an American baby. I'm pretty sure this is where my "madness" is coming from. I'm turning into that mean bitter old woman. Please don't suggest I enjoy life, go experience life etc... what do you think I have been doing for 46 years?  You name the country and I have probably lived in it, we "took" the time to enjoy life and for 20 years I have been begging for a child and he has constantly given me excuses not to. now here I am, old and bitter. and you ask, what about him? he is out chasing 20 year old tail, he loves the young ladies, I'm sure soon enough he will impregnate one and have an offspring, and here I sit the bitter old woman. I would leave him in a minute for a widowed man, or divorced man with a few younger kids!
kiki1234 kiki1234 46-50 4 Responses Jul 18, 2010

Your Response

Cancel

Kelki, if you'd REALLY consider adoption, please DO take another look at an American child and consider one just out of infancy. I wanted an older child as I'd just started legal practice & couldn't afford too much time off of work. My daughter was placed with us as a foster child at age 4 within about 2 mos of our completing the application process. <br />
<br />
We did not go through a private agency. We contacted social services. Good Luck to you!

Good idea. Find a widower or divorced man with some kids. Try a personal add or place one yourself. Such a man is waiting for you out there. You still have a lot to give kids and you are still relatively young (I am a 65 year old woman). You might be too old to conceive your own child, but you are certainly not too old to find a man who desperately wants a woman who can love his kids. And you are not too old to go back to school and get a teaching credential. Or apply for a job at a day care. Or start a day care or foster home. Or work at a teaching assistant or volunteer in the children's ward of a hospital.<br />
<br />
Somewhere, someplace, there are children who need your love and care. It won't be the same as having your own but it will be very satisfying if you let it be. Assuming, of course, that you have the nerve to get away from Mr Adolescence and find your own life. The question would be why you did not leave before now. Somehow, you must have bought into all of his dreams and not recognized that he was refusing to grow up. Can you do so now? I hope so. You sound so kind and nurturing that I can't help but think that your only problem was applying your mothering skills to a grown man. You can turn it around. And don't worry about Mr. A--it sounds like he is finding his own way to spend time with "children."

You deserve much more than this man. I realize you must love him. Human beings are creatures of habit and resistant to change sometimes. I know it's difficult because you care about him more than yourself. Learn to love yourself more than this guy. You're still young and have much love to share. There are many children without parents who need you. Many men are waiting for a wonderful woman like you. Love is about caring, respect, and loyalty. Your husband is lacking in those requirements. Never allow anyone to change your inner core. We must learn from our past mistakes. Don't allow this to destroy your future. Challenge yourself to find your true destiny. God bless you in your future.

Then dump him and take half the things you've built up in the divorce and move on. Let him keep pretending he's 22.