You're Everywhere

It’s amazing how we do this to each other. The Therapist is right. We create negative scenarios to keep from getting close. I presume because we are so accustomed to being apart. We have allowed so many things to come between us.

The problem is, you are everywhere I look. I go on to my computer and you are there. I go through my pics and you are there. I go through my phone you are there. I look over to my dresser and you are there. I look on my night table and you are there. I look on shelf of stuffies and you are there.

Not out of habit. Not out of routine. I barely see you. I spend my time away from you, missing you. Sometimes it takes me a little while to breathe, process and see clear of the negativity.

I know what my daughter can be like. I do not have blinders on when it comes to her. I see the bad and I see the good. She is my daughter above all else. No matter what she will always be there.

I know that I am no walk in the park either.

When I asked your Mother for her permission to marry you, I thought my heart was going to pound right out of my chest. Not for fear of a rejection from your Mother. She knew you were happy, she saw in us what we saw in each other. She was happy for you. For us.

My fear I am sure was the closeness I felt for you at the moment. The love I felt from you and the love I felt for you.

Somewhere something went wrong. Somewhere there was a crack and we allowed things to come between us. Instead of working them out and move on. We allowed them to pile up.
And yet here you are.
In my thoughts.
Pancer Pancer
46-50, F
Nov 26, 2012