I Am Obsessed With A Teacher

At the beginning of February last year, I started noticing a specific teacher in my school. She was very nice, intelligent, beautiful and well, just perfect. The problem started out slowly but soon became worse and worse as time went on. I found out her name, what she taught and found out the most devastating news of all... she only worked part time. To make a massively long story short, I started in a way stalking her. My friend and I would sit by our lockers every break and lunch, near her office just so I could see her more. She left a lot during the day and I was also very sad when she did. I wanted to find out as much as I could about her. I asked my dad, who is also a teacher at the school about her and he told me they are colleagues but don't know each other that well. For a strange reason, I was very sad about that. I wanted her to know who I was. I now know that she does know who I am, but still not as much as I want her to.
The most upsetting thing about this obsession is that all of my friends have her as a teacher or have had her. It's not fair! I wish I could have her as a teacher. I have become so obsessed with her that I have googled her and found out where she lives, street address and everything. Home Phone number, husbands name. Every morning, I am on the look out for her car, have memorized her license plate and everything into my head. For a long time, I kept trying to get up the courage and talk to her, but never was able to. My dad told her once how much I admired her (putting it mildly) and how much I really wish she was my teacher. She was very touched but still never noticed me. The amount of times I stayed after school, waiting for her just so I could perhaps start a conversation with her. But she also seemed like she was in a rush and I never got the chance to. I never will have her as a teacher which just breaks my heart because I love her so much. I have often told myself that this is nothing sexual, it's just a very deep admiration for somebody. I just wish she would notice me or talk to me. I have developed depression and anxiety. I cry myself to sleep just wishing she would talk to me. She has changed my whole world and turned it upside down. This problem has been going on for about 9 months and I am sick and tired of letting her control my life. I need help. If your reading this, and think you have some advice that would help me. Please write ANYTHING that you would think would help me. I would really appreciate it. To make matters worse, I have even considered suicide. I can't find a solution to my problem and I don't know how else to go about it. Please, email me or post something that might help me. I am open to all suggestions. Because I am sick of this stupid obsession. If you have been in the same situation, just letting me know that Im not the only one would also help me. I consider myself a freak, nerd and total retard for thinking this way but knowing that someone else is out there with the same problem would really help me. If you want to know any more about my obsession, I am willing to talk about it! Please help me and give me advice! I would really appreciate it! Thank you :)
Merylstreeplove Merylstreeplove
13-15, F
3 Responses Nov 27, 2012

I have been through something very similar! Message me!

Hello, i think you should just let it go because she is married already. I know it will be hard for your but if you set your mind to it you will succeed. It is an obsession and if you have considered suicide i suggest professorial help. I've been thru a obsession myself too but I just realized how lame and stupid I was and stopped thinking about it little by little.

Jesus Christ!