No Way Out

About seven years ago something happened to me in the war. I watched a friend die in front of me, from an explosion, and as result I was thrown into a panel and knocked unconscious. It caused what my neurologist called a traumatic brain injury.

My memory began to fail me. From multiple near successful suicide attempts I was court ordered involuntary commitment in several mental health facilities ranging over a year and a half period.

I received help from the VA, my family, and friends. I eventually gained disability benefits because of it. Over the years my memory has been poor, and everyone in my life knows some part of that history.

Problem is I don't think that event seven years ago ever happened. I have no idea how it got started, but here I am still struggling with PTSD and memory problems. I'm living life successfully more and growing as a person.

But this cloud hangs over me. I know the story and every thing that happened since. It makes me still cry to think about, but I don't remember the event at all.

Now I'm stuck between what is reality and not. I found out the military cannot confirm a single detail of what happened, even though it would have been really memorable.

I think I'm held hostage by either bad memory, or a good lie that became memory.
zstg zstg
26-30, F
Jan 5, 2013