I Like to See Boys Dressed Up As Girls
Being a woman isn't all that great, especially when you are actually a boy. Granted, I do admire women greatly, but having to be one all the time can get a little annoying. There is something appealing at times about being feminine, feeling pretty, having boys ask you out and being a normal girl in society. However, I am anything but normal =)
I naturally look like a woman. I am small, tiny framed, small hands, small head and a woman's face. In fact, I am frequently asked to do female modeling, even after I tell them I'm really a guy. Everywhere I go, people refer to me as she, treat me as a woman, and never suspect a thing. At one point, I started correcting people, but they would forget and still call me she, or think that I was a FtM transsexual who was about to begin his transitioning process... which just made things more awkward.
I'll admit, I've had a lot of fun with this, but it's also caused a lot of confusion in my life. I've swapped my appearance and my presented gender so many times in my life. At one point in my life I said, well... I'll just be a woman... and so I was. I worked as a business women for several years, traveled, gave presentations, met friends and found a nice and comfortable place in my profession. However, the whole time this was going on, I couldn't help but feel like a fake... a phony. I admire and respect women so much that I was trying to emulate them, instead of appreciate them.
At this point in my life I started to feel uncomfortable with being a woman. Many complications began to arise with the conflicts of my my old life and my new life... and the problems began to compound on top of each other. This was 5 months ago. It's to the point now where I am faced with 3 decisions. Do I want to 1. Move and start over (again) 2. Stay a business women and hope things solve themselves, or 3. Tell everyone, hey, I'm really a guy, and try to find my place amongst the world of men.
Option 1 doesn't seem probable, but it seems like the easiest fix to all of this. Option 2 seems like a bad idea, yet appealing, because I don't have to own up to anything. Option 3 seems the most logical, and also the most terrifying. With option 3 I risk losing my friends and potentially hurting my job. I suspect none of my girl friends will care if I tell them "hey, I'm really a boy," but all the men in my field who I've come into contact with, exchanged numbers with, or even been asked out by... I suspect there will be problems there. Option 3 could even prove to be dangerous... but honestly, nothing would feel better than telling the truth.
I guess my biggest fear of option 3 is that I decide to be what I really am... a man, and then I fail to make the move back to being male. I've done a couple tests, where I dress in loose jeans, a t shirt, lower my voice and go out somewhere to present as male... and without hesitation, people call me miss and she. That's what makes this decision such a difficult one, is, will I actually pass as a man if I go back? And what kind of man will I be if I go back... I could never be a "man's man," but I definitely don't feel like a woman.
If anyone has any comments, or suggestions, please let me know =) I realize that I will always have feminine interests... I devoted a significant amount of my life to being a woman and indulging my interests... those things won't go away. I need to find a comfortable medium between the two, where I can be a man, but still indulge in my feminine side as needed.
If you like Improv Piano, or just want to see who I am... here is one of my YouTube videos =)
I naturally look like a woman. I am small, tiny fr
I'll admit, I've had a lot of fun with this, but it's also caused a lot of confusion in my life. I've swapped my appearance and my presented gender so many times in my life. At one point in my life I said, well... I'll just be a woman... and so I was. I worked as a business women for several years, traveled, gave presentations, met friends and found a nice and comfortable place in my profession. However, the whole time this was going on, I couldn't help but feel like a fake... a phony. I admire and respect women so much that I was trying to emulate them, instead of appreciate them.
At this point in my life I started to feel uncomfortable with being a woman. Many complications began to arise with the conflicts of my my old life and my new life... and the problems began to compound on top of each other. This was 5 months ago. It's to the point now where I am faced with 3 decisions. Do I want to 1. Move and start over (again) 2. Stay a business women and hope things solve themselves, or 3. Tell everyone, hey, I'm really a guy, and try to find my place amongst the world of men.
Option 1 doesn't seem probable, but it seems like the easiest fix to all of this. Option 2 seems like a bad idea, yet appealing, because I don't have to own up to anything. Option 3 seems the most logical, and also the most terrifying. With option 3 I risk losing my friends and potentially hurting my job. I suspect none of my girl friends will care if I tell them "hey, I'm really a boy," but all the men in my field who I've come into contact with, exchanged numbers with, or even been asked out by... I suspect there will be problems there. Option 3 could even prove to be dangerous... but honestly, nothing would feel better than telling the truth.
I guess my biggest fear of option 3 is that I decide to be what I really am... a man, and then I fail to make the move back to being male. I've done a couple tests, where I dress in loose jeans, a t shirt, lower my voice and go out somewhere to present as male... and without hesitation, people call me miss and she. That's what makes this decision such a difficult one, is, will I actually pass as a man if I go back? And what kind of man will I be if I go back... I could never be a "man's man," but I definitely don't feel like a woman.
If anyone has any comments, or suggestions, please let me know =) I realize that I will always have feminine interests... I devoted a significant amount of my life to being a woman and indulging my interests... those things won't go away. I need to find a comfortable medium between the two, where I can be a man, but still indulge in my feminine side as needed.
If you like Improv Piano, or just want to see who I am... here is one of my YouTube videos =)
By:
VanSiamese
Age:
26-30
,
Female
