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This Being Under Construction

I was pondering over myself that how I feel extreme happiness sometime and sometimes feel smooth falling to normal temper it does not give me any difficulty.but when fall is sudden it jerks me and i feel my being inside as if gazing circumstances in an amazement and appalled.i pity myself not for falling rather for being so much amazed.bcz such amazement and astonishment tells that i am have some kind of inability to handle circumstances. I get remeber of that child who can't be helped when gets illogical question in mind and elders can't answer, or that oldman who has experienced life but can't find any value in eyes of youth.I don't regret fall bcz after so many times this highs and lows of life getting vividly penetrating in life now i find them neccessary bcz one peak gives importance to other peak.In my spiritual sphere i found this evaluation of mine attested in one of James Joyce novel "A portrait of an artist as a youngman" when artist gets developed he concludes:

"To live, to err, to fall, to triumph, to recreate life out of life! A wild angel had appeared to him, the angel of mortal youth and beauty, an envoy from the fair courts of life, to throw open before him in an instant of ecstasy the gates of all the ways of error and glory. On and on and on and on! "
every one is artist in his life af something that can be called as art.that may be abstract ,impressionistic or really in writing and drawing etc.
and I identified with it and now today again feeling that how i m falling again to rise.I tried to find out those cracks in being that caused this fall and when i happened to figure out them finally.but others shattered my conclusions and gave me more reasons that were not matching those of mine and advised me to do self again this fall has got furious but nw more smooth than before.
may God bless me and all that i may fill especially my those grooves that r harming ao annoying others.
sunshines333 sunshines333 18-21, F Jul 11, 2012

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